There are no duties you have to do if you don't want to. Nobody can make you follow any order you don't want to follow. Everything you do, you do wilfully. You're a sovereign being who makes choices in every moment.

There's no "I did it because I had to", there's only "I did it because I chose to while telling myself I didn't have a choice". There is no such thing as "no choice", period. Even soldiers have free will, but they're programmed to not think about it.

If someone holds you at gunpoint and asks you for your wallet, you have a choice. To give them the wallet or not to give it. That's a choice. And if you think you have to do something, first, stop having fear.


There's nothing that could've been different. Only the future could be different. It's impossible to prove that anyone could've done anything differently than they did.

Every decisions we made in the past seemed to be the best one when we were making it. We never consciously made any mistakes.
The past doesn't even exist and yet we tend to consider an alternative one... alternative to nothing! There is no past! What remains is a recording, a construct that enables us to improve and sometimes make up for our mistakes. But not to wish things had been different than they were – isn't it insane? Wishing things had been different is like wishing for reality to not exist, and it only leads to suffering.

We have 2 basic choices in the present: either allow it to be, or take action to change it. Else, we suffer from nonacceptance. Of course, you could say "I'd rather suffer than accept that I'm (...)". Then suffer if that's your will... but do you want to suffer because you wish reality was different from reality? Where's the value in that? (Don't take me wrong, the future will be different from reality... until it becomes reality.)
You must fully accept things as they are (without resentment) to stop suffering. If you were stuck in mud, would nonacceptance of being stuck help you? Or would you first acknowledge that you're stuck and then try getting out?
But your ego will try to stop you from letting go. The ego clings to the past for its identity. For the ego, losing a part of its identity is like death.


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"If you are one of the many people who have an issue with their parents, if you still harbor resentment about something they did or did not do, then you still believe that they had a choice — that they could have acted differently. It always looks as if people had a choice, but that is an illusion. As long as your mind with its conditioned patterns runs your life, as long as you are your mind, what choice do you have? None. You are not even there. The mind-identified state is severely dysfunctional. It is a form of insanity. (...) The moment you realize this, there can be no more resentment. How can you resent someone's illness? The only appropriate response is compassion."
- The Power of Now

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If we remember that everything is impermanent, everything is changing, we are prepared that one day, one moment, we may lose anything or anyone and keep living, grateful for what we still have, still making the right choices. That's enlightenment. Being okay with what isn't.

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Once you die, would you want your loved ones to grieve and even suffer because of your death?
I'm guessing you wouldn't wish bad feelings for them.
If not, would you want to suffer because of losing your loved one?
Would they want you to suffer? Would they want you to feel depressed?

Relationships can end at any moment, while we can be loyal without conditioning our happiness on someone's presence. Loyalty without attachment! After all, how can we love others if we're using them for our happiness?

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When you're present in the moment, you can't feel anxious. Anxiety requires identification with thoughts.

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Revenge is never fair. Isn't punishment just a reason to cause more harm out of spite? Does punishment bring value? What value?

What else can we do besides compensating the victim? (Just please don't compensate the victim's ego. The ego is deadly like the revenge that comes from it.)


We can look at why the culprit had the need to harm someone, who educated them to meet their needs by causing harm, and what to do so that similar people can fulfil their needs without needing to harm others.

We need to focus on how to prevent the society from creating more psychopaths instead of blaming the psychopaths it creates. Restorative justice instead of retributive justice.

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It's crucial to learn noticing whether a thought is worth having. We need to get rid of garbage thoughts like:
"I'm never safe", "I'll never be okay", "mM life is pointless", "I'm a failure", "I'm worthless", "Nobody likes me", "I'm a burden", "I hate myself", "There's no point in trying", "Everything always goes wrong", "I feel alone", "I can't change", "I'll never get a job", "People would be better off without me".

Are those thoughts worth having? They're not even worth recycling! We need to replace unwholesome thoughts as soon as we notice them. Then create wholesome ones. Think "I can see you, garbage thought! :)" and "I'm okay, everything is okay in the here and now, it feels nice to take a deep breath".

Changing the attitude (I can be okay) and the thoughts (I'm okay right now) changes the feelings. We can feel okay. The only real difficulty is thinking it's difficult. Dhammarato talks more about it.

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Those who say mindfulness doesn't work, don't practice it. But can you have benefits without practice? Really.

Instead of thinking happy thoughts, the main objective is to start noticing unwholesome thoughts, replacing them with presence, and appreciating our own effort.

The practice, a.k.a. the fourthfold noble method, a.k.a. the four-step change model (inspired by Dhammarato) looks like this:
1. Look at what you're doing (is it wholesome?)
2. Make a wholesome change (replace a thought, stop doing what's unwholesome). Think "I see you, garbage thought!" or "I don't need that thought!"
3. Congratulate yourself for having done these two steps ("Nice! I did it!")
4. Repeat this practice as often as you can remember to.

Wholesome is defined as conducive to well-being. That's all.

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If you want to be happy in the future, you'll never be happy in the present.
Even if you're sad, you can still feel inner peace. Psychological pain and fear are as illusionary as time is. If you feel them, you're not present: your ego has taken over. The right way to approach feelings is "it's okay to feel that but I don't have to fuel it with my thoughts".

“Be at least as interested in your reactions as in the situation or person that causes you to react.”
- The Power of Now

Think of it like asking yourself "what da mind doin'?"

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Are YOU your mind or are you something more? Do you cease to exist when you have no thoughts, feelings or emotions? Can you truly say "I think, therefore I am"? Therefore you are what ?
"If there were nothing but thought in you, you wouldn't even know you are thinking. You would be like a dreamer who doesn't know he is dreaming. You would be as identified with every thought as the dreamer is with every image in the dream." So, like in a lucid dream, become lucid IRL.
(A level higher, astral projection, functions outside of the mind...)
So what is the mind if not an antenna for the consciousness? But a conscious you is something your ego (the unconscious mind) cannot grasp. Don't try to understand it. Once you notice what the mind is doing, you also notice you're beyond the mind. Therefore you don't think, but you are.