Recent reviews by lezduit

This game is a better sequel than LOU2.

*opens up game*
Select internet type: Dial-up/Broadband Internet Connection
Me: That's kind of weird
*clicks broadband internet*
*joins game*
*game tries giving me a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ seizure the first five seconds of playing it*
Honestly, I've screwed around with the graphics settings and couldn't find a fix to stop the seizure-inducing flashing. With a game this out-dated, broken, and dead, I wouldn't recommend this game unless it's on sale for VERY CHEAP ($10 is kind of insulting to be honest. I could find better games to recommend to you for $5. I could even find some better games for just one dollar.)
Final rating: Seizure/Why do I even bother to continue living?

I got called a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ by a ten year old on a server that I am an admin on. 10/10 admin abuse

- Launchs up the game.
- Sees game is powered by Unity.
- Reminded of Assassin's Creed: Unity.
- Reminded of Far Cry 4.
- Reminded of disappointment of Far Cry 4.
- Reminded of anger because of disappointment caused by Far Cry 4.
- Begins crying because of anger caused by disappointment caused by Far Cry 4.
- Reminded of hatred of Ubisoft.
- Goes on rant about how I wish Ubisoft would go bankrupt.
- Remembers Grow Home.
- Gives Ubisoft a pass (for now).
- Remembers that this isn't a game made by Ubisoft.
- Sorry.
- Has to relaunch the game because having too small a resolution can cause text can get cut off the screen.
- Walk towards a freaky looking grey glowy ball thing.
- Wake up at 3:22 AM.
- Take a tinkle.
- Contemplate life choices and wonder how I ended up playing this game.
- Looks into fridge for breakfast, finds no sausage, eggs, pancakes, bacon, or mini tacos, and ends up eating live, raw shrimp out of a fish tank.
- Has a sexy IM conversation with someone while having choices to describe my character's suicidal thoughts.
- Clean microwave with paper towel LIEK A BAWS.
- Get asked to decide what to do with the man in the cage.
- Electrocutes man in the cage.
- Starts hearing knocking sounds.
- Hears something beginning to move.
- Immediately leaves game like little girl.

10/10 TOO EDGY 4 ME!!!

Have too much time on your hands?

Want to get instantly hooked on a free to play game by the guys who made Wild Warfare?

Well, you have incredibly specific circumstances! (Oh, and you might like AdVenture Capitalist...)

Want to know what AdVenture Capitalist is about? I don't know... Buy some lemonade stands and then somehow get enough money to buy oil drills....

69/69 Would buy more oil drills with lemonade stand money.

*THIS "REVIEW" CONTAINS SPOILERS, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! (AND THIS IS MY SECOND "REVIEW," SO I HAVEN'T EXACTLY CAUGHT ON TO THIS WHOLE "REVIEW" THING, HENCE THE QUOTATION MARKS AROUND "REVIEW." I'M GONNA STICK WITH THREE CONS AND PROS SO IT WON'T TAKE FOREVER TO WRITE! TRUST ME, IT'S GONNA BE A LONG BUT HOPEFULLY ENJOYABLE REVIEW (If I really feel like I missed a huge pro or con in the game, I may add it in this review later, so it's a work in progress)! xD IF YOU SEE ANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN MY REVIEW, YOU MAY COMMENT ON MY STUPIDITY IN THE COMMENTS, AND I WILL UPDATE MY REVIEW. THANK YOU, AND I HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY! :)")*

First, I would like to gush over how this game has managed to keep me invested for so long, so please, excuse me. "Look at that. At the time that I'm writing this "review," I have 68 hours logged into this game, and I'm still invested in it. That's something that I honestly CAN NOT SAY ABOUT ANY OTHER GAME RELEASED IN 2015!" Good on you, Techland, good on you. :)"

A bit of personal backstory: The only other game I've played that was made by Techland was Dead Island: Riptide, which I liked more than I would like to admit (I've never played the first Dead Island game, so I don't have anything to compare it to), so when I saw that Techland was creating a zombie survival game featuring Mirror's Edge-(Honestly one of my favorite games, just so you know) like parkour, I was excited. While waiting to gather enough money for this game's $60 price tag- which I am somewhat iffy on, but I digress, I would watch either Twitch or Steam broadcasts (The latter has gotten a bit better since its beginning, not TERRIBLY better mind you, but better) of people playing Dying Light. When I finally gathered enough money to buy Dying Light, I downloaded it, opened it up, freaked out when it did that "Dying Light is not responding" crap that I've gotten used to by now, and became instantly hooked.

Let's first get into just a few of my criticisms (Trust me, I have way more positive things than negative things to say about this game if I were doing ALL my cons and pros.):

1.) Pretty bad character development...: Character development is honestly not the first thing I look for in a zombie game, but in a STORY-DRIVEN zombie game like Dying Light, I feel like it's required. The only characters that I really "liked" were Brecken and Crane (Trust me, "like" does not mean I became attached to the character, it's just a way of seperating these somewhat more "relatable," God, I feel dirty even describing these characters with that word, characters from the stupid, unnecessary, gonna-die-half-way-through-the-campaign-because-the-story-called-for-it characters). I actually somewhat became attached to Rahim but then... yeah... he kinda got himself killed, and I remembered why I hated him in the first place. When I first saw Jade, I knew that she was going to be the love interest in the game who dies due to some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ the bad guy causes. When Jade died, I didn't feel sad, I didn't want to cry, I was just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pissed off at how lazy the writers were while writing her death. This is what I imagined was going on at Techland.

Writer: Hmm... I wonder how we can kill off Jade in a way that completely doesn't piss the player off...

Another writer, this one named Bill: Maybe we don't have to kill off Jade?

Writer: *laughs* Get the ♥♥♥♥ out of here, Bill.

They try to do some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ about how "Will you give the Antizin (A kind of temporary cure for the virus, oh guess what? YOU HAVE THE VIRUS 'CUZ TECHLAND WANTED YOU TO HAVE THE VIRUS!) to Jade or save yourself?" Guess what happened? JADE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ GIVES YOU THE ANTIZIN WITHOUT YOUR SAY. THEY TRY TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE A CHOICE, THEN RIP IT AWAY FROM YOU. That's one of the most infuriating bits of the game, making the player think they have a choice, then ripping it out of their cold, snot-covered fingers. Another character, Rais, who tots isn't a ripoff of Vaas from FC3 'cuz we said so, is just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ annoying. While Vaas actually blends the line of I-don't-want-to-mess-with-this-guy and the feeling of I-want-to-rip-this-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥-limb-from-limb within the player, Rais is just an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ who tries to be intimidating and fails miserably.

2.) The story in general: Do NOT buy this game if you are looking for a game with an amazing storyline. The story is honestly the weakest part of this game. It's OKAY, but I would rather play through Dead Island Riptide's campaign (Yes, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ read that right.) EVERY ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ THING YOU DO IN THIS STORY MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU AREN'T ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING! Okay, I take it back, maybe one or two UNNECESARY-TO-FINISH-THE-GAME sidequests MAY give you SOME sense of gratification, but other than that... no... just no...

3.) Secret agent bullcrap: Hey guys, you know what I'm starting to get sick of more than zombie games? SECRET AGENT GAMES! YEP, IN DYING LIGHT, YOU GET TO PLAY AS UNDERCOVER GRE AGENT, KYLE CRANE, WHO GETS TO UNCOVER A FILE OR SOMETHIN' 'BOUT A ZOMBIE VIRUS! Ugh, God... Worked well in Sleeping Dogs, not so much in this game... I MUCH would have rather played as some average-Joe trying to survive within the zombie apocalypse who just so happened to be a badass-zombie-killing-parkour-ninja.

Now, let's try to take this "review" into a more light heartened view of the game. This is what I liked about Dying Light.

1.) The sometimes genius dialouge within this game: Okay, I told you that the story wasn't all that great right? Well sometimes it had me holding my sides, crying from laughing so hard. xD There's this one moment when Crane Assassin's Creeds himself onto some trashbags near the end of the game and says something similar to, "I swear, one of these days I'm gonna fall on a bag of rusty knives." xD That's just one of the quotes from this game that made me laugh. :) I'm not sure if it's because it was genuinely funny or if it was just so out of place that it caused me to laugh, but... yeah... xD

2.) THE PARKOUR!: Oh my God, YES! One of the best things about this game! I love it so much! xD To all those people who say it's similar to Mirror's Edge though... I'm gonna have to disagree... It has this annoying hold-space-until-you-grab-onto-the-ledge-or-else-you'll-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥-fall thing that I HATED at first but eventually got used to. Once you get the grappling hook in this game though, you'll be swinging around like a pro. I would say more about the parkour, but I think I can cover it in the next pro.

3.) Night time: Yes, the thing EVERY SINGLE REVIEWER I'VE EVER WATCHED TALK ABOUT THIS GAME GUSHES OVER! It really IS that good (But not Invasion, ♥♥♥♥ INVASION!). :D Imagine, the first night. You are running away from these freaky things running at you. You have no idea what's going on, but two things are clear. 1.) There's a warm liquid running down your pant leg and 2.) You gotta get to the Tower before the Goons make fun of you for pissing yourself and create a new nickname for you which follows you throughout Elementary School like Nathan from 2nd Grade, ♥♥♥♥ YOU, NATHAN! Then, a volatile pounces on you, and you began mashing the F key like you're reviving your dead puppy after Nathan from 2nd grade ran over it with his bike, ♥♥♥♥ YOU, NATHAN! Even after playing throughout the entire game and getting really powerful gear, the volatiles (whose model designer totally isn't completely demented :3) will ♥♥♥♥ your ♥♥♥♥ up if you pick a fight with a bunch of them.

In conclusion, I hope all you guys (and gals) who haven't played this game yet will give it a chance. If I wasn't limiting myself with this guide, I would probably add the rediculously obvious "borrowing from other games," the sometimes terribly unfair PvP, the awesome skill trees, and coop, but it's 12:49 at night and I gotta craving for some more Dying Light.

Good night, and good luck. :)

Postal 2 teaches some very important life lessons... I'm serious, though... Just hear me out on this. Running with Scissors has sprinkled life lessons to and fro in this glorious game of theirs that yes everyone, even children, will benefit from (Now, far be it from me to say that the parents who see this game and think it's nothing but trash-talk and gore, not "worthy" for their feeble-minded children to suffer through are evil, but any parent who would deprive their children of these life lessons, are well... evil). "Well," you may be wondering, "what are these life lessons that you go on about? Will you ever get to the point?" My answer to the first question would be "SHUT UP, I'M GETTING THERE!" and my answer to the second question is... "Yeah sure, whatever..."

THE LIFE LESSONS

1. If you ask a celebrity to sign a book for you and they turn you down, it's okay! Just dump a load of gasoline on their heads, light them on fire, pee the fire out, steal the signature of the celebrity from someone else as they run away in terror because you just lit a guy on fire, hide from the cops in a well-concealable water fountain until they give up, and laugh as you run all the way home to sell the autograph on eBay because, as you know (maybe...), celebrities signatures are worth much more after they are deceased...

2. YOU HATE MALLS, YOU ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HATE THEM, THEY'RE CONFUSING AND SCARY AND YOU HATE THE LEVEL DESIGNER(S) OF THIS GAME, IF THERE WAS ANY WAY TO SKIP THE MISSIONS WHERE YOU HAD TO GO INTO THE MALL, YOU WOULD!

3. If you feel frustration at the level designer(s) of a game, go down to the company building and take your wrath out on them with that shotgun that you found behind a dumpster! It's better than holding it all in! :D

4. It's okay to kill someone you hate! Just make sure the cops are not around! :D

5. If someone makes fun of you while you are wearing a gimp suit, PEE IN THEIR MOUTHS IMMEDIATELY, THEY DESERVE IT!

6. Never wait in lines. If you want something but there is a line, just pee on everyone (unless if there's a cop... God, I learned that one the hard way... (-.-))! *EXCEPTION* If there is a cop in the line, pull out your gun and start firing until you or everyone else around you is choking on their own blood and vomit!

7. If you are on fire, DO NOT PANIC! Tilt at a slight angle and pee on yourself! If you are a woman... lol, good luck with that...

8. It's ok to show the ladies your schlong in public, but remember our rule about the cops, k? ;)

9. If you see one of those Running With Scissors guys running around, throw scissors into their eye sockets and laugh at the irony.

10. Don’t have money to pay for some stupid traffic ticket? Rob your local bank! The cops will be glad to take your stolen money. :3

In conclusion, these examples and more have all proven to be knowledge that a young man/woman will need on this journey that we call life. This is why I believe that all parents should purchase this game for their young children immediately. If not for the awesome blood and gore… buy it for the life lessons.