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85 of 85 (100%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Spring Fresh

Clean any map adequately
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 1:48pm

Employee of the Month

Get the Employee of the Month reward for your office
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 3:22pm

You're Fired!

Get fired!
Unlocked 3 May, 2016 @ 1:33pm

Blood Soaked

Spill 100 dirty buckets
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 8:25pm

Blaze of Glory

Incinerate 2000 items
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 8:49pm

Bloody Hell!

Mop up 10,000 splats
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 3:48pm

Who's for Dinner?

Get eaten
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 3:35pm

Top Brass

Pick up 800 casings
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 5:49pm

Taking Out the Trash

Pick up 1000 pieces of trash
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 7:42pm

Ubermensch

Speedrun a map with at least %25 par time to spare
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 9:38pm

Pedestrian

Track over 20,000 footprints
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 2:38pm

Janicide

Blow up a fellow worker with the help of an ominously bright-red explosive charge
Unlocked 12 Jul @ 5:47pm

Need a Hand?

Receive a total of 35 helping hands from the Slosh-O-Matic
Unlocked 12 Jul @ 6:19pm

Bins? Limbs!

Suffer the wrath of the Bin machine 75 times
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 5:05pm

First Aid

Restock a total of 50 medkits over your cleaning career by punching out of levels with medkits
Unlocked 15 Jul @ 12:48pm

The Nose Knows

Use the Sniffer for a total of 2 hours
Unlocked 14 Jul @ 8:23pm

Chew on This!

Throw 100 items into sand traps
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 5:12pm

Disintegrator

Fry 500 items with the plasma welder
Unlocked 12 Jul @ 5:47pm

The Mops Of Wrath

Complete Athena's Wrath Level
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 3:22pm

Anti-Virus

Complete Caduceus Level
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 5:54pm

Ice-Cold Cleana

Complete Cryogenesis Level
Unlocked 12 Jul @ 8:36pm

Sandblasted

Complete Unearthly Excavation Level
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 9:03pm

Pine Fresh

Complete Hydroponic Hell Level
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 6:42pm

Surgical Sweeper

Complete Evil Science Level
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 9:18pm

Deep-Sea Dry-cleaning

Complete Paintenance Level
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 10:25pm

Operation Brownwash

Complete Waste Disposal Level
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 5:39pm

Refined

Complete Unrefinery Level
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 1:17pm

One Mop To Rule Them All

Complete All major Official Levels
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 2:35pm

Pass The Torch

Take a lit flare from a fellow Janitor
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 10:41pm

Louis and Clean

Complete Gravity Drive Level
Unlocked 14 Jul @ 8:49pm

Big Banger Burnout

Tame the uncontrollable fury of the Big Banger by incinerating it
Unlocked 3 May, 2016 @ 1:31pm

Clean Freak

Cleanup your own personal Office by removing any Trash, Viscera and Blood; excluding trophies, then leave
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 6:04pm

Employee of the Year

Receive 12 Employee of the Month awards
Unlocked 12 Jul @ 9:11pm

Identity Theft

Steal 30 or more Personal Identification Devices (P.I.Ds) from cleaned levels and take them to your office
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 4:41pm

Bring the Thunder

Take the Big Banger Supernova out of Unearthly Excavation and into another work-site and turn it on
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 6:40pm

Master of the Beats

Turn off the Big Banger while it's playing loudly(keep your music volume up too) in zero-gravity during a Solo game
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 7:30pm

Plague Bearer

Transfer a Goo-Jar to another work-site and infect something
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 8:22pm

Head Hunter

Collect a head from each species in cleaned levels and take them to your office
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 10:02pm

Brushed Steel

Complete Revolutionary Robotics Level
Unlocked 12 Jul @ 7:27pm

Bushwhacked

Complete Overgrowth Level
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 5:35pm

Bob's Legacy

Find Bob
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 9:03pm

"Red Keycard"

Unlock Bob's super secret secret stash room
Unlocked 12 Jul @ 8:45pm

Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe

Find all the unique and hidden collectibles and return them to your office
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 6:48pm

Eggregious

Find all the hidden painted eggs and return them to your office
Unlocked 15 Jul @ 12:05pm

Lost in Space and Time

Get consumed by an inter-dimensional crack in space-time
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 9:07pm

Wicked Unliving

Collect the chainsaw, boomstick, cursed hand and the evil book and return them to your office
Unlocked 14 Jul @ 2:25pm

Thursday the 12th

Collect the mask and machete and return them to your office
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 8:25pm

Bad Dreams on Helm Street

Collect the clawed glove and return it to your office
Unlocked 15 Jul @ 9:21pm

Harroween

Collect the white mask and butcher knife and return them to your office
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 9:02pm

The Shimmering

Collect the axe and return it to your office
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 8:22pm

Never Put It On

Collect the ring and return it to your office
Unlocked 12 Jul @ 4:03pm

House of Honor

Clean the entire House of Horror level
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 5:55pm

Back From Whence It Came

Destroy the Bad Banger
Unlocked 14 Jul @ 7:37pm

Not Quite a Lumberjack

Destroy 200 items in the woodchipper
Unlocked 15 Jul @ 12:07pm

Cleanliness is Godliness

Completely clean all mess in Santa's Workshop and clock off
Unlocked 14 Jul @ 1:25pm

Christmas Crisis Corrected

Completely clean Santa's Workshop without breaking any Christmas items and clock off
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 1:19pm

Sanitized Earth

Completely clean all mess and destroy every item in Santa's Workshop and clock off
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 1:12pm

Bloody Incompetent

Prove your incompetence by leaving a worse mess in Santa's Workshop and clock off
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 2:18pm

St. Nick's Boomstick

Collect Santa's shotgun and bring it back to your office
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 2:40pm

The Red Nose Knows

Collect the iconic reindeer nose and bring it back to your office
Unlocked 15 Jul @ 7:47pm

Rooks Kept

Collect the different Rooks Keep figurines and take them back to your office
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 2:38pm

Ballistic Weaponry

Collect the different Ballistic Weapons toys and bring them back to your office
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 3:20pm

Thunder Candle

Requisition a new replacement janitor through the use of TNT
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 2:31pm

Head Hunter

Collect elf heads and bring them back to your office, you freakin' psycho!
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 3:07pm

Santa Hats Must Die!

Incinerate 50 Santa hats, the symbol of everything you hate
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 1:28pm

Tower of Babel

Build a stack of 10 stools
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 5:55pm

The Day the Funk Died

Bring about the sad meeting of Ice-Cold Banger and fire
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 11:40am

Cold Storage

Complete Frostbite Level
Unlocked 3 Jul @ 8:49pm

Biomassive Breakdown

Complete Incubation Emergency Level
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 5:05pm

Sanitary Supremacy

Completely clean the entire Shadow Warrior temple level
Unlocked 12 Jul @ 3:38pm

Mr. Two Million Dollars

Collect the two million dollars of cold hard cash from the Shadow Warrior level all at once and bring it back to your office
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 2:50pm

Swept Under The Carpet

Complete Uprinsing Level
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 6:08pm

Crystal Clear

Complete Core Sample Level
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 6:41pm

Pest Control

Complete Pestilent Penitentiary Level
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 2:31pm

Bleach and Clear

Complete Penumbra Level
Unlocked 15 Jul @ 7:47pm

Audacious Oddities

Find all the unique Collectibles in the Vulcan Affair and return them to your office
Unlocked 8 Jul @ 2:24pm

Lair Care

Clean the entire Vulcan Affair level
Unlocked 10 Jul @ 4:41pm

Teeth for Tunes

Bring about the unfortunate meeting of Double-Oh Banger and Shark
Unlocked 15 Jul @ 8:20pm

Blood in the Water

Go for a swim with Sharks
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 5:29pm

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Tank

Feed the ever hungry Sharks 500 items they can either devour or destroy
Unlocked 14 Jul @ 8:24pm

Double-Oh Dumbass

Foolishly activate the Death Ray
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 2:38pm

Locked In

Lock another player inside a holding cell where they belong
Unlocked 9 Jul @ 3:17pm

Death From Above

Get turned into mist by an orbital beam weapon
Unlocked 14 Jul @ 7:37pm

Cat-astrophe

Using an orbital beam weapon, destroy the symbol of your most hated overlord; cats!
Unlocked 4 Jul @ 3:42pm

Orbital Bang-bardment

Allow the Banger to ascend to its rightful place among the heavens through the use of an orbital beam weapon
Unlocked 7 Jul @ 5:35pm