i guess that passes for manners in your white milk toast view of things

Well, darlin', let me spin ya a yarn 'bout that Michael Langdon fella from American Horror Story. He's like a storm rollin' in on a hot Louisiana night, dark and powerful. Michael, he ain't just servin' up looks, honey, he's dishing out a whole mess of devilish charm and wicked allure. With that Southern drawl drippin' off his tongue like honey from a comb, he'll have ya mesmerized quicker than you can say "bless your heart." But don't let that smooth talk fool ya, 'cause underneath that Southern charm lies a darkness deeper than the Mississippi River. Michael Langdon, he's the kind of fella who'll leave ya breathless and beggin' for more, but watch out, 'cause mess with him and you'll find yourself in a world of hurt quicker than you can say "y'all." So when Michael Langdon struts his stuff, he's servin' up a whole heap of sinister ♥♥♥♥ with a side of Southern seduction.

No, actually, that is not me. I am not an emoji, nor do I resemble one. I am a human. Also, who are you to tell me what I look like when in fact, you have never seen me and likely never will? All that aside, it's clear that you are trying to insult me by calling me a "nerd" (as depicted by the emoji you have sent). I instead take your "insult" as a compliment, as calling me a "nerd," a word often used to mock smarter people, implies that I am more intelligent and have a larger vocabulary than you. Next time you disagree, I recommend you try to come up with an actual argument or at least prepare yourself for one when necessary. Additionally, before you proceed with sending me a clown emoji (admitting defeat), just understand that you would be further praising me, as a clown is someone who is entertaining and usually considered humorous by the spectators. Furthermore, you would also be implying that I, employed by a business to perform as a clown, have a profession.

WOMEN CAN'T WIN! THEY WILL ALWAYS BE OUTSMARTED AND OUTMUSCLED. They need to finally understand that what they can and should do is SHUT UP, KNOW THEIR PLACE, AND MAKE ME A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SANDWICH!!!!!

My statistics teacher always wears tight khakis to school, and he has an unfathomably large penis. This makes focusing in class extremely difficult, as it takes up my entire field of view when he’s giving a lecture. How do I solve this problem? I’m for real going to fail this class because he’s constantly pitching a tent, and I can never focus on the class.

She's engaged. Make everything about that.
What kind of dress is she gonna wear?
Floggings.
What's the cake going to look like?
Executions.
Who's going to be there?
Fear.
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