幽默搞笑人屁话多不高冷好无聊啊 我们一起去酒店做玩游戏吖

wow over 20 hours on rust what A NERD

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🔥🔥🔥 This dude is fire 🔥🔥🔥
❗️💯 Let’s be friends for future games 💯❗️

💎💎 Have a wonderful experience during each match💎💎
⚜️⚜️ Stay safe & take care⚜️⚜️

✅✅✅➕REP➕✅✅✅
🤤🤤🤤The profile is awesome🤤🤤🤤

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hey frend eckscuse my spelleng im dcslexik
dlexic
dileksic
delexic
dilexik
dylecxik
delexik
dixlekic
dylslekic
dulexic
deslekik
send this 2 5 frends :)

haven't played RUST since last year. bought a new car, have an amazing new girlfriend, i make a ton of money and i'm buying a house this spring. i party every weekend, i'm never home. i'm enjoying life. do yourselves a favour. stop trying to make gaming a career. it's cringe.

▉▉▉▉▉▉◤┳◥▉▉▉▉▉▉ You All have been visited by the Loomynarty.
▉▉▉▉▉◤┳┻┳◥▉▉▉▉▉
▉▉▉▉◤┳┻┳┻┳◥▉▉▉▉ Copy and paste this on the walls of the 5
▉▉▉◤┳━┳━┳━┳◥▉▉▉
▉▉◤┳┃┈╰━╯┈┃┳◥▉▉most MLG m80s you know or you
▉◤┳┻╰━━━━━╯┻┳◥▉
◤┳┻┳┻┳┻┳┻┳┻┳┻┳◥ will be qu1cksc0p3d by #FaZe Clan

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🔥🔥🔥 This dude is fire 🔥🔥🔥
❗️💯 Let’s be friends for future games 💯❗️

💎💎 Have a wonderful experience during each match💎💎
⚜️⚜️ Stay safe & take care⚜️⚜️

✅✅✅➕REP➕✅✅✅
🤤🤤🤤The profile is awesome🤤🤤🤤

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I, Jonny RaZer herby do solemnly swear that neither count chocula, fruit brute nor Yummy Mummy will never be added to hit 2017 game Fortnite

ITS COCKTOBER 😈🌚🍂🍃🍁 AND IF YOU👈🏽 ARE GETTING THIS👇🏽😘 IT MEANS UR A HALLOWEEN 👻🎃 HOE😏😩👅💦 every year in Cocktober the jack o slut🎃 comes to life🙀😻🙌🏽👏👏🙌🏽 coming to harvest 🍁🍂🍃 his hoes 😏😏💥💥🎈🎂🎉 send this to 10 other Halloween Hoes 🎃👻👻 🎃 😋 👄😍✨🔮

After a good game in csgo, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard wiener push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.

My nut rag was first nutted in by my great great grandfather in the trenches of verdun. The nut preserved the rag, and him, from the constant artillery fire and assaults from the dreaded krauts. It was handed down to my great grandfather, who nutted in it while on route to leyte gulf to push the Japanese back home. My grandfather was protected from ambush and disease by the nut of his father, and his father before him, while patrolling the jungles of vietnam. And my father nutted in it to give him strength and focus before attacking Saddams republican guard in 1991. Now, I nut in it between sessions of BF1 and COD WW2, to honor those that came before me. The nut is strength, the rag is freedom and family, I am an American.

HEY 👉YOU👈 SHAMROCK🍀 SLUTS

💁‍♀️ HAPPY 😜🤗 ST PATDICKS DAY 🍀 💦🍀 SHAKE DAT ASS FOR PAPI👏🏼👅🍑 🍺 DONT DRINK THAT BEER 😳🙅🏻🍺 DRINK DADDY'S LUCKY CUMMIES👅💦 SLAP ON YOUR SLUTTY 💚✅GREEN💚 OUTFIT,👗 AND GET ⏬ UNDER THE 🌈 RAINBOW AND RIDE IT LIKE YOUD RIDE THIS ♥♥♥♥ 🍆🍑😳🍀

{\__/}
( • ~ •)
/ > 🍆 want ♥♥♥♥?

{\__/}
( • - •)
🍆< \ have you been good?

{\__/}
( • w •)
/ >🍆 then you can have my ♥♥♥♥!

{\__/}
( -_ -)
/ >🍆 but just a suck..

{\___/}
(✦-✦)
/ >🍆 OH! KEEP SUCKING!

{\__/}
( @ _ @)
/ >🍆💦💦 OH ♥♥♥♥! *♥♥♥♥ all over you*

✧E-DATING PRICES✧

❥ SLEEP CALL
10 minutes = £9.99
30 minutes = £29.99
1-3 hour = £59.99
4-6 hours = £89.99
10+ hours = £199.99

❥ TEXTS
good morning/night text = £4.99
per day "i love you" = £4.99
per message "i love you" with chosen pet name after = £9.99

Mom walked into my room last night and caught me laying in bed, Jerking Off.

I stared at her.

She stared at me.

Most men would turn away, ashamed.

Me?

I just beat my ♥♥♥♥ even harder.

The greatest gift a man can give his parents is show that they did not raise a Quitter.

I've been preparing for this moment my entire life: For the last 6 years or so, every couple of weeks I've been going to Kinkos to print & laminate flip books of all my favorite porn gifs. I have them all cataloged in order in the basement. Storage bins upon storage bins of HD 4k flip books to jerk to in the apocalypse.

Beans & bullets were first, but then came the secondary necessities. Redundant clothing & tools. Spare parts to key survival equipment. Lots of fuel in multiple forms. But the only thing I had left was the erotic pictures. My imagination had been rotted by the years of making these flip books so I knew that it was a double edged sword. Burning the candle at both ends.

When the power grid goes out & everyone is back to the stone age I'll be the king with my 87,439 pages of laminated lust. I'll be the man with the golden flip books.

Ahhh, no need to panic Josh! I'm just a Smurf with an adventurous spirit who enjoys sipping smurfberry juice a bit too much. You don't have to worry about me - my smurf body doesn't come equipped with any of the things you mentioned!

haven't played RUST since last year. bought a new car, have an amazing new girlfriend, i make a ton of money and i'm buying a house this spring. i party every weekend, i'm never home. i'm enjoying life. do yourselves a favour. stop trying to make gaming a career. it's cringe.

🎄🎄MERRY CHRISTMAS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥🎄 🎄it’s finally DICKmas 👅💦 time to pop the cherry 🍒🚫 🤷🏻‍♀️ in Virgin Mary 🔑🦵🏼 & take a hoe 💁🏽‍♀️ under the mistletoe 🍃 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 give your girl a cocking🍆😋 💦 🤤 in her lady stocking 🧦 💦 to lick 💦💋those juicy candy canes & drink up that creamy eggnog🍼

Made a bet with Mum that if I complete No Nut November she will buy me a Nintendo Switch for Christmas, and if she completes it I’ll buy her AirPods. Game on 😤

Update: no Switch for me, mum walked in on me post-♥♥♥ with my ♥♥♥♥ still in my hand 😭 Gonna camp outside her room tonight and I swear to god if I hear the slightest moaning I’m barging in and saving myself $200 for Christmas 😂

MISSION SUCCESSFUL. It was a long night but I finally caught her, vibrator on high and clit THROBBING. W

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║▒\
║▒▒\
║░▒║
║░▒║
║░▒║with this blade
║░▒║I cut those who
║░▒║disrespect
║░▒║Pokimane
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Why do people always say not my proudest fap when refering to really wierd or bad porn? What's supposed to be your proudest fap then? When you came in 5 minutes from some vanilla porn? If you manage to get yourself off to some giantess pegging interacial porn you should be way more proud than if you only ♥♥♥ to a man and a woman having boring regular sex. It takes commitment, time and effort to get off to incest fishnet stockings vore porn. When you ♥♥♥ it feels like a real achievement, something to be proud of, but if you just ♥♥♥ to what everyone else is already watching then there's nothing to be proud of. You've done the bare minimum. Masturbating to furry reverse birth scat porn takes true effort just to stay hard. It trains your mental fortitude and teaches you to push on against all odds and when you finally orgasm it feels like you earned it. Now that's something to be proud of.

The animal gyrates its empty stomach and the folds of its brain rubbing on your glans, begging for nutrition.You climax and give the marine creature's breakfast. The pumping slows down but doesn't stop to milk out the last few drops of its meal. Looking into its yellow animal eyes, it looks back with a thousand-yard stare. This will be routine for all of its meals for the rest of it's 3-5 years on this god forsaken planet.

Octopuses do not have any bones with the exception of their beaks. so if you are responsible and depraved enough to be literally the life support of your 8 limbed friend, you can debeak it like how you'd declaw a cat and then push your member into it's feed chute. You can then let it subsist on your baby batter. The Octopus is smart. Very smart. It will learn that without it's beak, it cannot feed on anything else but your human seed that has to be milked from you. Every morning, you will feel your clothes slide off and a damp weight on your lower half. The sensation creeps up your body until most of the jiggly mass has enveloped the entire length. It will start pumping as fast as it can for it is hungry.

Hi all, first post here. Me (15f) and my boyfriend (17m) have been dating for a year now. Its been going great but there is one issue. Whenever we get into an argument (which is often) he pulls down his pants and strokes his ♥♥♥♥ until he ♥♥♥♥ on me. Its disgusting and he can do it really quickly, which is kind of disturbing. Ive tried to break up with him over this, but he cries and guilt trips me into staying, which leads to more arguments. He always aims for my thighs. Ive told him to stop multiple times but he says its a fetish of his and that i should support him. Any help with this would be appreciated. Thanks

Hi all, first post here. Me (15f) and my boyfriend (17m) have been dating for a year now. Its been going great but there is one issue. Whenever we get into an argument (which is often) he pulls down his pants and strokes his ♥♥♥♥ until he ♥♥♥♥ on me. Its disgusting and he can do it really quickly, which is kind of disturbing. Ive tried to break up with him over this, but he cries and guilt trips me into staying, which leads to more arguments. He always aims for my thighs. Ive told him to stop multiple times but he says its a fetish of his and that i should support him. Any help with this would be appreciated. Thanks

Alain Berset (French pronunciation: ​[alɛ̃ bɛʁse]; born 9 April 1972) is a Swiss politician who has served as a Member of the Swiss Federal Council since 2012. A member of the Social Democratic Party (SP/PS), he has headed the Federal Department of Home Affairs since he took office. Berset has served as Vice President of Switzerland since 1 January 2022 under President Ignazio Cassis.

From 1 January 2018 to 31 December 2018, Berset served as President of the Swiss Confederation. At age 45, he was the youngest officeholder since Marcel Pilet-Golaz in 1934.[1] Prior to his election to the Federal Council in 2011, he was a member of the Council of States (from the canton of Fribourg, 2003–2011), where he served as President of the Council of States for the 2008–2009 term. Berset speaks Swiss French, Swiss German, Standard German, Italian, Romansh and English.[2][3]

Me (M) and my friends (M) were around 12-13 when we started to get curious about women. I'm not sure how it came about but we would invite each others houses and fap to porn in front of each other.

Sometimes there would be 4 or 5 of us, fapping in unison, all from the same school, thinking this was completely normal to do.

It was only until we brought my neighbour (M) to a sleepover at my house when we realised it may not be normal.. After a long session on Halo 3 we simply pulled our ♥♥♥♥♥ out, turned on Babestation and started masturbating. He was simply shocked and pretended to do it so it wouldn't look weird. I feel so bad for him but we are much older now and still great friends.

Me and my friends don't speak to each other about it. We have definitely come to the realisation that this was weird and wrong to do and we dread what would happen if it got out to our social group.

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AGM-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for allowing me to truly be myself via this amazing game.

I sexually Identify as an the sun. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of slamming hydrogen isotopes into each other to make helium & light and send it throught the galaxy. People say to me that a person being a star is Impossible and I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon inflate me with hydrogen and raise my temperature to over 6000 °C. From now on I want you guys to call me “Sol” and respect my right to give you vitamin D and probably sunburns. If you can’t accept me you’re a fusionphobe and need to check your astral privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky?

I spend 5 hours masturbating before my prostate exams. I edge and edge and edge, until a butterfly sneezing on my taint will bring me to orgasm. I tactfully shuffle my way to the doctor's office and when he lubes up I nearly ♥♥♥ three time but I've trained my kugel muscles enough to the point where I can hold the Mount Vesuvius wrath. Then, as soon as he puts the smallest bit of pressure on my prostate, I unleash with the fury of a lion hunting its prey. As the room gets covered in my hot, sticky juices, the doctor looks disgusted and leaves the room. I always go to a hospital far away from where I live so that I don't have to go in for surgery under the doctor that I busted to. Best thing is, we have free healthcare here, so the doctor gets me off and it's covered by tax payers. That's my fetish.

LOSING ALL MY SOCIAL CREDIT SPEEDRUN

♥♥♥♥ THE CCP

TAIWAN IS A COUNTRY

FREE TIBET

UYGHUR GENOCIDE

TIANANMEN SQUARE MASSACRE

I PLAY GAMES MORE THAN 3 HOURS A DAY

HAVING MORE THAN 2 KIDS IS COOL

USA > WEST TAIWAN

🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼🇹🇼

I am here to say that i am deeply and utterly disappointed in the prostitution services in Cyber Punk 2077. There were only 2 to choose from and one of them was a homosexual man. The only girl i could choose was BLACK. Not that i have anything against black people but at least give us a variety. I want to ♥♥♥♥ white girls AND Asian girls. And within the Asian range i also want to ♥♥♥♥ Chinese, Japanese and Korean. This is just simply a disappointment from a game that took 8 years to make. Especially a game that is so diverse in culture. People on the street speak so many different languages and you only give us one girl??? Furthermore, you couldn't even choose what you want to do with the girl AND you can't see your own d!ck... Whats the point of choosing your d!ck size if you can't even see it.
Game play wise this is the ♥♥♥♥♥ sh!t. GO AND BUY IT

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😫8✊======D 💦 💤💤 BING CHILLING !! ( + 69 Credits )

😔8===D 💋 (Winnie the pooh takes in mouth)

You'll find a linux user anywhere you mention Linux.

I'm sure if someone went to the moon and said "windows is pretty cool", then in the next 30 minutes a linux user somewhere in the world would burst a vein in his head and fly to the moon to tell the astronaut how he installed linux in 8th grade and his dad came back and how he solved world hunger by using foss so now no one spies on him and he's completely off the grid.

spread my ass and gaped me

K?
K what?
K the letter before L, the letter after J?
Did you know that in JK, K stands for “Kidding”.
So your reply is “Kidding?”
Or K as in Potassium?
Do you need some Special K breakfast cereal?
K, as in K/O?
Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks?
Sharks has a K in it...

So I was walking down the street listening to king vamp himself, and a group of people approach me and ask what I'm wearing. I tried to explain to them that I was wearing cash cartis Narrcissist tour merch but they didn't believe me and thought I was anti Black Lives Matter/ George Floyd and started threatening me unless I took the shirt off and my pants. I did what they asked bc I was scared but that ♥♥♥♥ was 40 dollars and my mothers gonna kill me. What do I do

Horse girls! Where do I begin? Late in high school there was rumors about me and this girl. She got preggo and every one thought I was the culprit since “I get around” (beach boys refrenz 😉). Anyway, turns out she had a horsie farm. She baborted the crapola outta the baby and we don’t know what happened but either that kiddo had a ponie daddi or someone really needed a slump bust (she was like a 7/12 😒)

Add me pls i need help with steam os

+rep 차가운 사람

bad

Earlier today I was really horny, and I saw what I thought to be a blank dvd. I thought, DVDs have a tight hole, they might feel pretty good. So I put my soft pp into the hole of the DVD, and for a few seconds as I started getting harder, it felt pretty good, but then, once I was fully erect, it started being painful. My pp was stuck in the dvd, and I had to break it in half to get if out. It was then when I flipped the broken dvd over and realized that it was not a blank dvd, but a copy of the movie UP.

You're being racist just to be a racist. Colorblindness has nothing to do with diabetes, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ monkey

To masturbate as a man is to admit you 1) have no access to ♥♥♥♥♥ and 2) have no impulse control. If it's 1) it means you are a weak man and lack the resources to attract a woman. If it's 2) you are barely above an insect operating on base level stimuli and don't have the cognitive abilities for self control.

Either way you failed as a man when you decide to masturbate and to freely expel your semen for momentary pleasure means you have a sad life with nothing going on. Alexander the Great never masturbated he found someone to ♥♥♥♥ every time he was horny. Most nights he would be too exhausted from conquering the known world to have sex. Weak men have nothing to be exhausted by they don't do anything and they don't earn their pleasure. Not a single great man in history masturbated

Whatever kid. Oh I'm sorry did I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ trigger you? Were you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ triggered you little cry baby? ♥♥♥♥ off. Literally saying not a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ word to you and you're gonna ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mute me because you have a problem with me just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ talking ♥♥♥♥ in all chat? Honestly go ♥♥♥♥ yourself to the highest ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ caliber you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. So sick of little ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ like you who ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ have a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ opinion like you're ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sitting over there like, oh I'm some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ problem to you because I'm not even ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ saying a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ word to you. ♥♥♥♥ off. Call it what you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥? Hormonal? Kid you're a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bullshitter. You're a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bullshitter. Go ♥♥♥♥ yourself. You ain't ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ nothing. You ain't ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ anyone. You ain't got a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ clue in your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ head who I am or what I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ about. That I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ calling these ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kids tryhards, has your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ panties in a bunch for what? For what? For ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ what kid?

❌upvote❌this❌meme❌or❌your❌family❌will❌be❌cursed❌by❌Ugandan❌Knuckles❌memes❌for❌the❌next❌8❌generations❌

👏🏻here👏🏻is👏🏻what👏🏻to👏🏻expect👏🏻if👏🏻you👏🏻don’t👏🏻upvote👏🏻boi👏🏻

👏🏻DO👏🏻YOU👏🏻NOE👏🏻DE👏🏻WEY?👏🏻KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻 KLUCK 👏🏻

😱THIS😱MEME😱IS😱CURSED😱UPVOTE😱TO😱SAVE😱YOURSELF😱

🤫upvote🤫to🤫have🤫big🤫♥♥♥♥♥🤫&🤫Stefan🤫visit🤫you🤫in🤫your🤫dreams🤫