"Pardon me if I don't stand at attention. Last time I did that, an innocent woman who was just walking by got pregnant."

"The reason why English is so piss easy is that if you can't remember a certain word, you use one of the other twenty."

"Get that gun out of my face before I feed it to you."

"If I wanted lip from you, I would've jiggled my zipper."

"He's either six feet under or breathing from a tube. I don't know which is worse."

"You don't say '♥♥♥♥ your ♥♥♥♥♥♥ gods' to the people with a hand hovering over the '♥♥♥♥ your ♥♥♥♥♥♥ country' button."

"Our generation isn't stupid, we just let the stupid talk."