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报告翻译问题
What she could decided in the middle of the night was that she felt HORNY, so she got an egg out of the fridge and broke it on my chest ... thinking that we were gonna have some SEXY TIME .. it was ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ice-cold I can tell ya !
And I was all tucked up all warm and just snoozing away .. I was in bliss .. She got really pissed with me as well .. because of course I went: "WHAT THE ♥♥♥♥ ARE YOU DOING YOU ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ LUNATIC?!!" and ... she didn´t like that because of course she was in horny mode and was expecting me to go: "Heeeyy baby, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) SEXY EGG".