tard quotes (:
"this was planted here to inconvenience me"
"she's young for her age"
"i hate when the trees are out"
"my computer screen is giving me sunburn"
"i wish i could email you tuna"
"is this marinara sativa or indica?"
"average body temperature is 72°"
"harvest me for milk"
"i need to go to camp to learn how to be nice to people"
"my walls are made out of ground beef"
"if i had any bigger hands we'd be watching adventure time"
"it smells like eighth grade"
"i feel like i'm stephen hawking"
"if my baby looked like that i would throw it out"
"don't harvest me for milk right now, i'm teeth"
"if you're european, are you left-handed?"
"when i turn the light on sound goes slower"
"imagine if godzilla was here right now"
"okay but when am i meeting victoria justice"
"the burgers are watching me"
"stop eating all my vibes"
"i bought a really cheap multimeter at mcdonald's"
"wouldn't it be ♥♥♥♥♥♥' funny if everyone in our friend group was a hasidic jew"
"someone took a long brown in the hallway"
"he had a glass of dr. coke"
"my confectioners sugar tastes like dirt"
"nicki minaj's tits smell like ♥♥♥♥"
"i love online shopping; i'd literally buy ♥♥♥♥ in a bag if i could order it online"
"there are only two important things to life: head and big titty goth girls"
"i keep thinking i'm drowning but it's just my tears"
"i just wanted to inform you that i've began to wipe my ass while sitting"
"i'm going out in my pickle costume tomorrow, i don't know about you"
"we could be black for all we know"
"i need to stop staring into bob seger's eyes"
"hold on, my cat's having a seizure"
"the children are like glue"
"my hair is so long... it's like curtains"
"you probably wouldn't know but being a mummy would be really dry"
"hold on, my cat's having a seizure"
"oh ♥♥♥♥ i have to make dogs. i don't wanna make dogs."
"i ate five bowls of cereal today because i had nothing else to do"
"first of all... i'm not a snack i'm a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ meal"
"i've swallowed many children"
"snake and frying bacon make the same tss noise"
"imagine being a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ alligator"
"white boy on the beat"
"how much ass do i have to sell for a gaming mouse"
"i'm gonna chew in this mic so damn hard you're gonna wish you never got ears"
"i keep going cross-eyed [...] i love orange juice"
"presidential alert - bhad bhabie got mad titties"
"i closed my eyes for so long i forgot what my room looked like"