Recent reviews by iLuvKoЯn

At first I thought the white caped guy (nicknamed as DRACULA) was the mysterious villain named Gibby, King of the Moon. He seemed to have the power to move the story forward, and looked like what a Moon King could with looking like an ivory alien contrasted by his colorful environment, while wearing a cape like royalty. I thought this guy came down to conquer the world while we try stopping with scant information about this threatening being.
Hell, you can kill some of the creatures by just pressing USE on them as Dracula.

No, the "bad guy" is just some orange who was sitting there doing nothing.
What did Gibby do wrong? Why did Wayne bother at all? Who is he?
Wayne seemed to start with a lot of weirdly-named stats. I still don't know what 100% of stats do.

I found the character Somsnosa first, then Dedusmuln. Finally and later it was Pongorma.
Snosa is depressed about her magic gauntlets being stuck in her basement with killer skulls, and joins you if you get them.
Dedusmuln is an archeologist who knows how water coolers work, and joins you if you have a paper cup.
Pongorma is the last of legendary knights (with dominion over the skulls), who joins your party if you beat him.

You come into an office where you're directed to Clawman so you get permission to enter. He asks you for a password (with all options being wrong, and all AI random-generated) and he fights you for being wrong on all chances. I guess he's the CEO of the place. After killing him you're allowed to enter the lab and interact with random buttons to turn the living beings in lab vats. One of the scientists says that they carefully curated for "the most profitable organisms."
I hope the creator of the game has never read Nick Land. There's not much else to this place, but at least that can be said.

Anyway yeah that's about it, before you spend that money on a spaceship key to go fight Gibby on the moon and nothing else happens at the end of the game. Sure the moon is destroyed and you crash land onto the guy you can annoy with buttons, but, nothing really changed here except now I can kill everything in one hit. Collecting the three tokens also meant nothing. Maybe it could've made a difference before the final boss fight. It didn't matter.
I wish I didn't fight any of the meaningless enemies in this entire game before seeing it for what it is.

As a gamer, I'm a stubborn explorer.
Of course Somsnosa is one of the first three people I talk to.
Then I found Dedusmuln in the mountains before opening the horror gate.
I made Wayne rely on magic the most, while playing with the Parasitic Crystal.
I'm a huge fan of magical abilities and it was cute to collect spells from televisions, but it blew my mind to see that your whole party also learns these spells when watching TV with them.

It resulted in casting Sleep on everything, ailment shield and inflicting poison on enemies without breaking their sleep. Alternatively I brute-forced it with whatever offensive and support magic I had, with everyone healing each other and removing ailments which every party member can freely learn. I never used a consumable item except to revive Pongorma because he doesn't get as much health when I used meat in the afterlife with the three other characters. The same goes for the water coolers too.

Honestly it's a little tempting to go back and save all my meat and paper cups before recruiting Pongorma to min/max, but I don't like the game.

There are no consequences for failure when dying is actually rewarding: you're generously compensated with warp portals, and you're able to freely re-fill your HP/MP with beds and baths in the meantime. You can get a free weapon for dying (killing yourself) three times in the afterlife. There is no story to the afterlife. Nothing interesting happens when you build sandcastles on every available tile, and all the fish on the beach does is tell you that you can do that. You can throw it into the ocean too. There's some cave that requires dynamite before getting a severely broken spell.
Oh, I'd have to admit that all the backtracking and lack of direction at all would be irritating to other people.

The majority of the dialogue is riddled with pretentious vocabulary. The rest of it is either plain or "hecking whoa dude" slang.
I wished the dialogue was purposely broken purple prose, that really makes you work to understand some profound stories that would hide in plain sight as a reward for people with higher vocabulary, but it was just randomly generated AI garbage.
I really wish that someone[/i[ actually wrote all of the dialogue. It would've been endearing, but the fact it's been generated goes beyond mere disenchantment.
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I'm okay with there being a weird world that knows it doesn't have to justify itself at first. I wish I was working for some kind of mystery. I wish that party members at least had more to say than their bare-bone personalities offer when you recruit them. This is a shallow and pretentious mess that made me think I should be playing other claymation games like Neverworld instead.

I wish I played OFF instead.

12/27/2023
This is going to be a LIVE kind of on-going diary/review for the game OMORI as I play it blindly. I am going to be pathetic.
I will have a proper review finalized by the time I beat it. I'll start off with bits about myself. I am finally playing this game because it's been over a year since my best friend said goodbye, and someone else had advised me to play the game. My best friend liked this game, called it cute and said it dealt with dark subjects. She also had a pfp of Aubrey at some point.

I think the game started off being unnerving to me from the get-go, and I'm already guessing about subtext as I play along through the prologue. I am a paranoid/hypervigilant person, and I really am sensitive about stuff after all. Later I got to a certain point where a video-game genuinely terrified me in over a decade, I wound up all curled onto my bed. I'm texting my friends and snapshotting my monitor with my phone's camera to show my progress. I do that instead of simply prnt-scrn'ing the game because I didn't want to leave behind my support blankets and stuffed shark.

I did finally come around to the game's budding charm. I got advice from Aubrey, which lit a lightbulb in my head about something I was struggling with. IDK why but the thing her advice helped me out with just seemed spectacular to me - in the sense that my mouth became agape with a grin. She was right: the game is cute. It's also, as cliche it is to say, "oozing with atmosphere". From the scenery to story... and suggested subtext, as well as the charming characters that I come across and travel with. G-d knows exactly how much this game is going to snap my spine, and which way I'll bend.

12/28/2023
hahahaha oh my god i love this adorable game :D and it's always interesting/exciting to get new skills awww ha :D

... ♥♥♥♥. ♥♥♥♥. ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥. ♥♥♥♥. ♥♥♥♥. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
https://open.spotify.com/track/5OgbJyyZj0bf1f5xIR14pf?si=92b794b80f9b4467
yeah this game is going to stick with me for a long time

12/30/2023
anyway now i hate bears

This game is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ piece of literal ♥♥♥♥.
Go listen to this podcast instead https://soundcloud.com/trueanonpod/dead-liar-virus-teaser i like also like, the porn industry is bad okay, its literally bad. This game is bad
I need to clarify that one of my friends just gifted me this game and we were vc'ing, and I streamed the game BECAUSE LOLOLO FUNNY BAD GAME, but holy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ this game is awful and, people need to care about every single name and company related to Mindgeek, and Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. I hate this game, the people that liked anything from it, and whoever made it.

Unironically, ♥♥♥♥ like this is what all that cryptocurrency from miner-virus software is spent on.

hi. im enabling comments so you die-hard redditors don't have an excuse.
i think this game sucks, and currently i'm re-playing all of the Half-Life 2 games on hard, without focusing on any of the achievements this time. i don't think anyone can give an honest review of the games because the "hot cheevos!!!" can distract so much from the actual game itself.
anyway im going to copy/paste everything i wrote on discord because i ranted about the game.

My Life Me — Today at 2:44 PM
the cliffside layout makes it seem so ??? when enemies are shooting at you from way up on top, and this applies to the enemies that shoot you from the roof on the top as well. traversing the map is tedious and slowed to the crawl that is the base game's running speed as you're also hugging the wall, because anything extra in terms of speed will ♥♥♥♥ you over because the geometry of the mapping is meme-tier. it's a 9-times-outta-10 thing with you falling because you decided to sprint, not due to a lack of dexterity that that even Elder Scrolls games demand from you for cliff-climbing
also it had the classic hl2 chopper fight where you're given infinnie ammo with this boring-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chopper ♥♥♥♥ i ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate it it's so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ boring

My Life Me — Today at 2:46 PM
i can't tell if enemies take fall damage

My Life Me — Today at 2:47 PM
that wooden stairway being broken at the start with the combine on it, i don't think that combine took fall damage. then again the combine get hit like paper anyway

My Life Me — Today at 2:48 PM
I was also not impressed with the "demonstration of HDR" with how ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bloomy the ugly sky was from it relying on hdr bloomcum. all the blue of the sky was just made to ♥♥♥♥ off lmao
i am reminded of Heide's Tower of Flame from DS2 because it looks better than Lost Cost. i say Lost Cost because i wanted to make a joke about sunken cost and this mini-game with time

My Life Me — Today at 3:24 PM
i hink the small town with the church sucked too
the combine spam when they break into the church sucked, it sucked when there were combine shooting from the roof, it also sucked when that one combine from the balcony was just a sitting duck, and it sucked trying to snipe enemies with the revolver and the zoom-in function
awesome decision to focus on rappelling enemies because you cut a boat puzzle, which you had to decide on cutting while asking yourselves "is this fun", "how much work should be done to make it fun" then going BAHHHHHH ♥♥♥♥ IT RAPPELING COMBINE LMAO even though you still had ♥♥♥♥♥-footing combine that just stayed up on roofs and balconies
it also doesn't help that they weren't aggressive either, and i was playing that ♥♥♥♥ on Hard lmao
meanwhile uh, how fun was it to sit in a box of a room that the church is until you figure "OH, LETS BREAK THIS MAGINE!" while dealing with lazy waves of enemies, first with the poison headcrabs, then the combine
and that chopper thing, oh go forget about killing it from within the church while trying to cleverly shoot through the now-broken stain glass windows, because that won't be enough to kill it, even if you hit it with 5 rockets

My Life Me — Today at 3:41 PM
the first two combine enemies are also retarded. When you walk up those stairs, I think they just spawn in and walk away and up the stairs. Wow so cool I can easily flank them!! how?? they were RIGHT THERE and there's this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ boomer fisherman having a conversation with GORDON FREEMAN. yeah ok maybe he mixed up Gordon's name but I can't tell if that's because the Combine are there and he's just having a coded conversation, or if he's a boomer with alzheimers and the Combine shrug it off because of that anyway. I think the latter explanation is really lame and lazy and of bad writing, so I'll just assume that the fisherman is just using mixed up versions of Gordon's name in case anyone was over-hearing.
...
but it's still stupid anyway because uh, who else would be authorized to be on that beach? just saying that IF the fisherman was ALLOWED to be there by the combine, then who else is supposed to be down where he is?

My Life Me — Today at 3:43 PM
anyway that's my review of the undertale alternate-universe fangame of Underfell

spiffy spaceman game with varied content, cosmetic / customization options, and some funny israel jokes.

I only played this game because of Sufjan Stevens. When we were watching some videogames presentation stream, I squeeled like a cute girl in thigh highs with a pink sex toy hitting his g-spot. I don't even care about the game, I'm just inviting you to Come on and feel the ILLINOISE. https://youtu.be/nA0UOiVM1u0

it's my new drug. weave tech is great and set-up customization is also good. has some nice cosmetic options too, including convenient miscellaneous features like account-wide mounts and polymorphs and costumes. just putting this review out there because new steam UI is so in-your-face but yeah i would recommend it, especially on sale with the base game+morrowind, plus summerset and elsweyr.

Play Legacy of Kain

I completely messed up my game with a literal game-breaking glitch.

reddit: the video-game