Recent reviews by ensy

Combat slaps, music slaps, enemies slap harder.
Story? Don’t ask me, I was too busy getting combo’d by a bird.

Pros:
✔ Parkour makes you feel like Spider-Man on Red Bull
✔ OST goes so hard I forgot to breathe
✔ Characters hotter than my PC after launch
✔ Free-to-play but emotionally expensive

Cons:
✘ Bosses built like tax collectors
✘ UI made by aliens with three monitors
✘ Optimization? Nah, it’s a vibe check

Final Thoughts:
It’s beautiful, brutal, and confusing — just like my ex.

Would suffer again

better than fortnite ngl

I broke my brother's jaw by accident

10/10

"Dear Mom, I got the job. Please send help."

Hi Mom,

Got the repo job you told me about.
They said “just collect unpaid items.”
I thought I’d be taking TVs from lazy space boomers.

Instead:

I was shot at by a toaster.

Jerry exploded.

We fought a cult over a coffee machine.

They gave me a gun, no training, and said “don’t die.”
Also, they pay in coupons.
One guy got vaporized trying to repo a chair.

There is no HR. There is only pain.
Every house has traps, turrets, and existential dread.
I screamed at a lamp for 5 minutes. It screamed back.

Please tell dad I love him.
And if grandma’s microwave ever goes missing, don’t ask questions.

Love,
Your slightly irradiated son.
P.S. The benefits don’t include therapy.

---{ Graphics }---
☑ hot
☐ You forget what reality is
☐ Beautiful
☐ Good
☐ Decent
☐ Bad
☐ Don‘t look too long at it
☐ MS-DOS

---{ Gameplay }---
☑ hot
☐ Very good
☐ Good
☐ It's just gameplay
☐ Mehh
☐ Watch paint dry instead
☐ Just don't

---{ Audio }---
☑ hot
☐ Eargasm
☐ Very good
☐ Good
☐ Not too bad
☐ Bad
☐ I'm now deaf

---{ Audience }---
☑ hot
☐ Kids
☐ Teens
☐ Adults
☐ Grandma

---{ PC Requirements }---
☑ hot
☐ Check if you can run paint
☐ Potato
☐ Decent
☐ Fast
☐ Rich boi
☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer

---{ Game Size }---
☑ hot
☐ Floppy Disk
☐ Old Fashioned
☐ Workable
☐ Big
☐ Will eat 10% of your 1TB hard drive
☐ You will want an entire hard drive to hold it
☐ You will need to invest in a black hole to hold all the data

---{ Difficulty }---
☑ hot
☐ Just press 'W'
☐ Easy
☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☐ Significant brain usage
☐ Difficult
☐ Dark Souls

---{ Grind }---
☑ hot
☐ Nothing to grind
☐ Only if u care about leaderboards/ranks
☐ Isn't necessary to progress
☐ Average grind level
☐ Too much grind
☐ You'll need a second life for grinding

---{ Story }---
☑ hot
☐ No Story
☐ Some lore
☐ Average
☐ Good
☐ Lovely
☐ It'll replace your life

---{ Game Time }---
☑ hot
☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee
☐ Short
☐ Average
☐ Long
☐ To infinity and beyond

---{ Price }---
☑ hot
☐ It's free!
☐ Worth the price
☐ If it's on sale
☐ If u have some spare money left
☐ Not recommended
☐ You could also just burn your money

---{ Bugs }---
☑ hot
☐ Never heard of
☐ Minor bugs
☐ Can get annoying
☐ ARK: Survival Evolved
☐ The game itself is a big terrarium for bugs

---{ ? / 10 }---
☐ 1
☐ 2
☐ 3
☐ 4
☐ 5
☐ 6
☐ 7
☐ 8
☐ 9
☐ 10
☑ hot

заебали дроны летучие

Neighbors probably think I’m battling demons every night.

Lost 2kg, 3 friends, and all sense of rhythm.
would flail wildly with lightsabers again.
10/10

Боже, какой же я подозрительный мне так это нравится, я такой сусси ...ммм... Все люди смотрят на меня и думают "он такой сусси капеец" "Он что импостер?" Ха-ха да как же вы догадались? Да в этой жизни вы все жертвы а я импостер. Ха-ха, вам увы не повезло, а вот я такой крутой и сусси))

геморой

ещё не поиграл даже час, но сзади толкают два мужика