WATCH THE TRAM CAR, PLEASE

General Beef Bourguignon III NEEDS YOUR SUPPORT FOR THE 37th "ROMANO" BATTALION AND THEIR SQUELCH-FIRST QUESTION LATER OPERATION

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ah, the romans (looks off into the distance)

Clivver Sitrep - military man, age 25. Veteran of the Orgo Orgo Clidistine conflict. Has killed 453,645 guggarks in the battle of Portaba Ridge by dropping a tactical nuke on himself while surrounded and survived it by hiding in a "CLUST - O - MATIC " refrigerator (they were built very strong) (he is retarded now)

Clyde Tressup Marley - first man to climb to mt. NipNorp without meeting the mystical horse (everyone else that has traveled there met the horse, this is an anomaly of rather industrious proportions)

Vastuppen Bridge - a hotspot where the local hippies like to roast marshmellows and rail eachother in the ass

Barincrofts Lodge - A Place You Will Dine

Borguellos Sweet Treats

Corinthian Watercrest Helm - 100 armor 25% magic resistance 25% elemental resistance 25% fanny resistance (resistance to fanny, H U G E A S S)

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WINONA "WINE" WINCHESTER

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Franwinkler Fallopian

Sloppy McDougal

Lazlo Bumpkins

Bajora Rigdipper

Krumple Stiltskin

Newton Figgiesworth

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Four of the arrested were identified in the body camera footage, known as "Shelly and the Janes" and the fifth member was identified in the pawn shop security camera footage as "Jenny", adding to the group know known as "Shelly, Jenny and the Trio Janes". All five were charged with "Unlawful Self Expansion of Gape", "Unlicensed Possession of Gape Expansion Materials" and "Possessing Unregistered Expanded Gapes". The "Trio Janes" were charged with "Especially Heinous Murder of a Peace Officer" after having assisted in the gape-related death of Patrolman Casellanitollesi. "Shelly" was charged with "Capital Especially Heinous Murder of a Peace Officer" and "Consumption of a Citizen Through Gape".

The bodycamera of Patrolman Casellanitollesi is found after it was sold to a pawn shop by another unidentified female known as "Jenny" a few days after the incident of the gaping. Using a large number of traffic camera footage and a police monitoring helicopter, members of the NSJPD Tactical Response Unit of the Gape Enforcement and Closure division known as (TRU-GEC) tracked down the vehicle used by "Jenny" to the 1414 house on Pisksksksayune st. in the "Battiskiye Bay" subdivision. After an armed tactical arrest and search warrant was signed by The Honorable Lord Francis Luppenworthy IV, 2 TRU-GEC squads were dispatched to the residence. Upon announcing their presence and after an uneventful simultaneous front and back door breach, 5 females, one of whom had a greatly distended torso, were arrested without resistance.

The group was travelling on the North side of the street when they turned into an alleyway heading North between "Big Frank's Wank and Stank" and a branch of "Monument Empire International Bank and Wire Service". The Patrolman, not wanting to lose sight of the group, followed, but when he turned the corner he did not hear nor catch sight of the group, prompting him to move quickly, checking the sides of the alleyway until he passed by a large dumpster when the group attacked him. Dashing at him from behind the dumpster the group of 4 quickly overpowered the Patrolman. With multiple sounds of blunt force strikes to the patrolman, 1 group member held his arms while the other two held his legs and the final member, known as "Shelly" from the tattoo'd letters written on her lower back, began to squat over the Patrolman and slowly consume him into her gape. The footage of the body camera ends shortly thereafter.

Patrolman Casellanitollesi tailed the group later to be popularly nicknamed by the NSJPD as: "Shelly and the Janes" 4 blocks west of when he first sighted them, still on the North side of Avenue 92, now in the 10 thousand block (between Green Corn st. and Barthaerageard st.) and had witnessed the group ingesting substantial amounts of intoxicating substances the odor of which was noticeable to Patrolman Casellanitollesi who was away from the group by a distance of around 45 feet.

Patrolman Casellanitollesi, using the lessons learned in police training courses such as "Basic Big Cavern Identification in Passive Urban Settings - 105", "Advanced Sizeable Flesh Pocket Active Arraignment" and "Intermediate Street Creep" elected to turn on his chest-mounted body camera, requested additional backup in the form of a Quick Reaction Gape Enforcement and Closure (QR-GEC) squad at a rally point one block north at Avenue 91 but would continue to covertly monitor and shadow the unidentified females henceforth to be referred to as "Jane Doe Number One, Jane Doe Number Two, Jane Doe Number Three, and Shelly". All further information in this report is taken from the body camera footage of Patrolman Casellanitollesi.

Patrolman Antonio Casellanitollesi was walking on the North side of the 14 thousand block of 92nd Avenue (between Falhurst Blvd. and Big Horn Hog Run Blvd.), a part of his routine scheduled foot patrol, on the 18th of October 2025 at or around 23:52 local time the Patrolman spotted a group of (4) unidentified females exhibiting clear signs of having modified gape dimensions exiting a fusion restaurant, credit union, gentleman's club and gymnasium known as "Pott's Grille, Wallet, Tent and Thighs".

Colin "Romin' Rio" Rominantezerio, Senior Object Permananter - Federal Gape Task Force Northwest. Form 58A. October 25, 2025.

Since as early as June of this year, the number of gape-related incidents including murder had been growing in the city of New Saint Juliet of which prompted the New Saint Juliet Police Department to increase the level of detection and enforcement of gape-related crimes and the prosecution of gapists.

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6 alleged "pinto gang" members have pushed an elderly couple into the pool and terrorized the Lima bean lazy river with fart spray

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子你必须他妈的握紧你的拳头，用人民共和国的力量，高呼让所有人都听到"荣耀归于习近平，所有人都向阁下致敬"

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Terry Dawker