get used fax machine off Craigslist
first time it screams to life, I get hard
analog screech sounds like a modem moaning in hell
paper slides out warm like it just sinned
start faxing myself fake HR memos, corrupted porn jpegs, ASCII tits
each page feels like foreplay with a haunted office supply
faxed a mirror selfie once, came before it finished printing
call it “she” now even though it’s a Brother FAX-2840 and I know better
weekends = scanning 80s porn mags, faxing them to myself
room smells like melted plastic and guilt
therapist calls it “object fixation”
I call it high-efficiency edging
3AM last night, it beeped on its own
no paper, no job queued
just screamed
stood there, pants down, whispering “I missed you”
page jammed halfway through
came so hard I saw the Windows 98 startup screen
haven’t touched my phone in days
if it doesn’t scream first, I don’t trust it

za chuj nie wiem jak on climbuje

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ those honker badonker you carry. Well, well, well. I hope im invited to the milk party!

Before you start typing, hear me out:

When you're having sex, what do you feel ass you penetrate your girl? That's right, her cheeks clapping on your crotch area. It enhances the pleasure and resists the impact of your thrusts, which allows you to go all in. When you're not having sex, what hurts to have more? That's right, tits. They give you back pain and it gets worse the bigger they are while ass cheeks give you a free pillow to sit on.

And back to sex, specifically, lesbian sex. You know how they tease each others' nipples? That doesn't work with big tits, as they're less sensitive as small tits, so you're often better off having ass over tits.

And back to straight sex, what can you do if your girl isn't big up there? You can grope and tease her, but ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ are not an option. There are other ways to tease a woman like neck kisses and stuff.

Now I like big tits, I love them, but I think it's rational to pick ass; So I was born a tits man, but I am an ass man by choice.

This Insatiably bust-endowed bombshell boasts an unbelievable 20,000cc for each breast. Count ’em – that’s right, 20,000cc! Seems mathematicians may need a new system to measure these colossal milkshakers.

The boobs were nice, the sounds she made were not. Do you know what I like more though? The warm touch of my friends large meaty hands on my inner thigh. God I love this man. Biology and centuries of human evolution have failed me for i cannot impregnate him and make a Baby from a combination of our genes…