Honestly I don't know if it's him or not, but I have reasonable suspicion that he's the one putting hershey's chocolate syrup in all of my morning milk deliveries.

It's really weird actually. You'd think he is a normal guy but he has these weird... quirks? For example, two weeks ago I was hanging out with him and I told him, "You know man, I'm glad we met so early, I dont think I could have made it through middle school if I hadn't met you in 6th grade." Normal, right? No, you know what he said? "Same with me man, I knew when I first saw you at South School we would be besties." The thing is, that's my elementary school. What the ♥♥♥♥ is up with that? He knew me longer than I knew him? How? I find him just staring at me sometimes. When I confront him, he only looks at me harder, as if he is piercing through me. He will not stop untl I look away, and when I look back he is gone. Like he was never there. It's just unnatural. I've also almost never seen him eat. The one time I caught him, his jaw was open like 140 degrees or something, just for a split second. After that I got a really bad migraine and passed out. Maybe I need to talk to someone...

Every Tuesday I see this man selling his hand-made porcelian cups at my 8 year old daughter's ballet recitals. They're all shaped like male genitalia.

Any time the Irish capital city Belfast is mentioned he runs to the nearest belltower and hides in it, fasting for at least three fortnights. Law enforcement has been unsuccessful in removing him during his bell fast.

Keeps trying to get me to try his all natural home made foot warmers. They're just socks with chest hair taped to them.

This bastard keeps replacing my doormat with year old Swedish newspapers.