Cheese is not just an everyday food product. Cheese is a living, breathing being with a soul, a mind, and feelings, and deserves intimate respect. Allow me to explain why I love cheese to this degree.
I'll start with the basics. When you decide to commit to the adventure of eating a cheese, you commit to being a critic, and an artist, a leader, and a follower, an adventurer, and a care professional. The first thing that will happen when you begin the adventure of cheese consumption is the absorbtion of its aspects. A cheese is made of a body, soul, and mind. The body and soul are absorbed, and the mind controls how the body and soul are absorbed, but is not absorbed itself.
You start by absorbing the body. The body is comprised of a flavour and a texture. Flavours and textures can not be described in English, so their complexities are given simple descriptions, in the form of traits, in the same way personalities are described. Traits of cheese' flavour include bland, sharp, earthy, nutty, strong, mild, sweet, sour, basic, acidic, etc. Traits of texture include hard, moist, semihard, dry, creamy, soft, semisoft, chunky, smooth, etc. These traits appeal to everyone uniquely, and the judging of an individual's favorite cheese is done by their internal critic.
You then absorb the soul. The soul of a cheese is the aftertaste and the aroma, two aspects of cheese that influence the body greatly. The aftertastes can only truly be appreciated whhen cheese is taken slowly, and the aroma when cheese is eaten alone. Thus, if you are trying to fully encompass a cheese's soul, the cheese of choice must be chewed with care. Aftertastes are easily influenced by food and drink previously eaten, and thus cannot be described completely, but aromas are measured in strength, with weak being aromaless, like Mozzarella, and strong being unpleasant, like Limburger. Some cheeses give off faint but strong aromas, like Challerhocker, and some give off powerful but weak aromas.
The mind is the controller of a cheese. It affects the soul and texture of a cheese, and is affected by how the cheese connoisseur treats the cheese. Factors of a cheese's mind include age, moisture, and temperature. Ages vary intensely in cheeses, but moisture and temperature must remain overcast and cool for optimum preservation of a cheese, else the cheese may lose its mind and become dry, stale, and moldy in an unnecessary way.
Being a connoisseur of cheese means taking a life into your hands and protecting it until its day of consumption. It means cherishing and nurturing the cheese to perfection. It means committing yourself to the cheese. Take on the challenge. It will change your life.