Análises recentes de Doson・ザ・ロリ好き紳士

First, let me start off by saying, YoshiP is a one-trick pony. He did a good job fixing the mess that was FF14 1.0, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to assign this muppet to a mainline FF game. After all, he thought it would be a bad idea to let people play the loli cats, because people would be "weird" with them, or some nonsense.

*SQWUAAAAAAWK* Muh minors! :ZE3_GameOver: *SQWUAAAAAAWK*

Really? We're more concerned with "muh morals" than making money? That is weird, and stupid. These people can't even define what a minor IS while preaching their morals to you. Absolutely morally bankrupt.

So now that we've established that SE assigns clowns to work on their games, we have to ask: is SE itself stupid? Well, they sold Deus Ex to Embracer Group so they could make NFT games just as NFTs were dying, so the answer must be "yes."

Instead of focusing on what makes games good, they have an "Ethics" Department that actually specializes in SUBTRACTING value from their games, like Tifa's bouncing breasts, the Extremely GAY gross "diversity" tokenism in FF7 Rebirth, changing dialogue in their old games to be less "problematic", and over such petty censorship nonsense. Did you know that in KH2, Kairi had blue panties with a little Mikey Mouse logo? I bet you didn't. That was a major discovery for me as a teenager, and these Marxist pigs removed it. FOR SHAME.

Now that I've provided important context regarding the Marxist Corporation that made this game, let's get into the details of WHY this game is utter trash.

Oh my god, the gameplay is SO BAD. Why does the combat feel simultaneously heavy, but also weightless? This is somehow even worse than FF15, which was even worse than KH2. How did SE figure out combat 20 years ago, and then produce this ♥♥♥♥? They should honestly just go back to turn-based.

The story is insipid westernized trash, written in conjunction with actual westerners, so that's no surprise. The lip-syncing is REALLY bad because it was recorded with English dub in mind, which is so unbelievably dumb because English dubs are trash, but my friend tells me even the English lip-syncing sucks sometimes, so I don't know what happened there.

This game is offensive to behold. It's all ugly dudes and ugly women. Not a single loli in sight to break up the monotony.

For some stupid reason, the cutscenes are all in 30 FPS. lmfao wtf? Every cutscene looks like ASS, on top of the already present ASS graphics. Why does this game run like ♥♥♥♥? Not only does it RUN far worse than Wukong, it LOOKS far worse.

The only good thing about this game is Soken's music. Let's wish him all the best in his battle with cancer.

I know there is always an army of trained product consumers who will come and defend this garbage, with their word definition semantic arguments and Motte & Bailey fallacies, but at the end of the day, they're kvetching because I'm immune to their propaganda and won't buy their slop, and they're worried about my superior mindset having an infectious quality on others. They approach with a smile and bright colors, only to hide their sinister, petty, wrenched nature that lies beneath, and that fake smell is all over this game; sterile, soulless, manufactured.

I know when these "but what really IS woke? How do you KNOW it's DEI? Can you PROVE they're Marxists?" group responds to me with some subversive nonsense, that I'm correct. They'll say some ♥♥♥♥ that takes 5 seconds to say, and 5 minutes to debunk. No one has time for that. The best way to deal with these people is to just ignore what they say and keep talking.

So this is the CORRECT Final word on FF16: All flash, no substance.

I suspect SE is too rotted out to recover, so let's just pray that once their golden goose, FF14, dries up, that they join Ubisoft (god willing) in bankruptcy.

Btw, did I mention 30 FPS? lmao

This game is really good if you're into this kind of wholesome game. I originally played it in Japanese, but I skipped a lot of the dialogue because there's a lot of rambling, so it's nice to play this in English, especially since the translation seems pretty good, somehow. I don't know how these more obscure games get better translations than bigger titles from bigger companies. It's disgraceful, honestly. Some people can learn from Kagura Games, evidently.


Edit: The translation falls off a bit in chapter 3. For some reason, the petty translator refused to translate "shotacon" and "lolicon". Coinciding with that is a lot more text overflowing out of dialogue boxes. I doubt that's a coincidence.


Regardless, Juri and Hinano are hot. Best girls for sure, but it's just so hard to pick one best girl.

Before I really get into the review, I know some geniuses are gunna be like "but the game is still fun." Fun? About as fun as wandering around Starfield's empty planets. If I want to have some shallow fun, there's a long list of games that can fit the bill. This game is half-hearted; a hollow and gutted downgrade from the perfection that was the first Dragon's Dogma.

The first thing I noticed when I booted up this game, is the total downgrade of a character creator. They talked about how "limitless" the characters creator is, but they sure put a limit on height. 160cm min height. This means no petite women, no dwarves, and no children, sadly. I think we can all guess why they did that. Thanks twitter. Thank you woke mob, and thank you to all the other perpetually offended moral busybodies.

So you can make an average woman (5'3"), an amazon, or some uggo. Wow. Amazing. What good is infinitude when beauty is finite? I could go on more about the character creator's lack of options, but what I've said is more than sufficient. It's garbage.

Surely there must be some compelling systems in here though, right? Wrong. The compelling class system from the first game has become... whatever this is supposed to be. Strider was one of my favorite game classes, now it has been split into thief and archer. Why? Thief doesn't even form any hybrid classes, a concept they have almost completely destroyed. What even is trickster supposed to be? Pink and purple? There are no such base classes. They've made a mess of all the systems from the first game.

Attacks also feel like they lack impact compared to the first game. Feedback is poor and moving around feels sluggish and characters look constipated. Maybe it's also that I'm not used to playing tall characters, since I'd always used minimum height in the first game.

I thought at least maybe I could play kawaii サラサラロングの黒髪パッツン少女 wielding a censer, but no, that's too much to ask, apparently. Speaking of uggo characters, what even is the point of the cat things? I don't care if they "got cut" from the first game. They are an eyesore. They could have given us cute cat girls instead. What a blunder.

The game is so unfun and literally unplayable that I can't comment on this much, but I hear there is very little enemy variety until end game. YAAAAWN. This game will put me to sleep faster than downing half a bottle of glenfiddich. Even Suika-chan's face was tired watching me play this game for the first 20 minutes.

It's like they were trying to be a Skyrim ripoff, but why would you want to rip off a game that is only good with mods? On top of that, Capcom is trying to prevent us from modding their games. lmao Pants on head. Capcom has released nothing but garbage since the first Dragon's Dogma, and it looks like that won't be changing. Here's hoping the new Elden Ring DLC can fill the void.

For a game with supposedly "limitless" customization, the character height is extremely limited. Not to mention it's missing many classic and well-known hairstyles. This is honestly one of the worst character creators I've used. Pretty much the only thing you can do is create the most bland/cookie-cutter character imaginable or total uggos. There is no in between.

Some people are complaining about the lack of gameplay demo, but this character creator makes the game literally unplayable, therefore, there is no need. Thus, I have already written my full review for the game. Good thing I didn't let myself get too hyped. I hope this review proves useful for other true fans of the original game. This game is a disgrace to the Dragon's Dogma name.

My teammates were being disobedient, so I waited until the end of the mission and killed them, then kicked them. That's how democracy works.

But then Soyny forced community to create and link PSN accounts, which is not how democracy works. Now how to enjoy communiTEA? Change review to negative.

Change review to positive now because democracy has prevailed!

Edit: May 14th, 2024

Soyny still has all regions without PSN service blocked from buying Helldivers 2.They never actually said they weren't going to try going forward, just that they needed to "learn more about PC players". Until Soyny actually fully reverses their decision, my review shall remain negative. Soyny is not to be trusted.

Terrible localization, region locked multiplayer, and to top it all off, they censored Cagliostro's panties, even though she's the best girl in the game.

The game also needed better testing for PC. There really is no excuse these days. For example, if you set the FPS to 120 the camera moves faster, and if you set it to 30 it moves slower. At 120 FPS I have to move it halfway across my desk just to do a 360.

I feel really bad for the people who worked on the game, because they did a decent job, but unfortunately the publisher has no integrity and doesn't give a ♥♥♥♥ about the game, not to mention cringe Americans butchering the writing. The game could have been amazing if the people in charge of the last mile were competent.

I would give the gameplay so far a 8/10, the community a 3/10 since it's filled with American cancer, but the steam forums get a -1/10 because they aren't even people.

2/14/2020 EDIT: The game continues to be garbage. Despite wasting 100+ hours of my life, I've been screwed yet further. Having completed the game on ultimate and even unlocking the trophy in-game, I've been robbed of my rightfully earned The Ultimate achievement, depriving me of 100% in this game. How do you ♥♥♥♥ up such a basic achievement in current year? Disgraceful.

I got all of the achievements. I am the Cucklord.

So I put Celine, Renne, Rufus, and Nadia in my party with Tio in reserve. Use Celine, Rufus, and Renne's crafts to generate BP, Tio casts absolute reflect which also regenerates CP for the party, then Nadia casts impassion on Celine and everyone else spams artes with "recover EP with offensive arts" master quartz equipped. Infinite EP and infinite absolute reflect. It's literally impossible to lose. It's so hilarious seeing some boss do some flashy OP Anime move and you just see "REFLECT REFLECT REFLECT REFLECT" LMAO

Also, the game has a TON of really cute girls. You can make a whole loli harem if you want, but I like to include Rufus because he's the best male protagonist in the entire series. Rean is trash and a Gary Stu, and if you like Rean you should feel bad. I put him ALL the way at the end of the party when possible so I don't have to see his derpy face.

It's neat, but need height slider so I can create loli character, pls. Much obliged.

Too bad I don't have a little sister.