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73 of 89 (82%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 23 Nov, 2018 @ 6:36pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 25 Nov, 2018 @ 2:39pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 12:50pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 2:51pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 25 Nov, 2018 @ 6:15am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 6:36am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 8:46am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 1:03pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 25 Nov, 2018 @ 6:30am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 27 Nov, 2018 @ 9:31am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 28 Nov, 2018 @ 9:12am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2018 @ 5:37pm

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2018 @ 2:46pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 2 Jan, 2019 @ 9:53am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2018 @ 2:44pm

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 13 Dec, 2018 @ 2:19pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 9:14am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 8:22am

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 5 Jul, 2019 @ 8:53am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 12:30pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 3:29pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 14 Dec, 2018 @ 11:23am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 28 Nov, 2018 @ 9:30am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 13 Dec, 2018 @ 1:55pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 13 Dec, 2018 @ 9:57am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 2:50pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 25 Nov, 2018 @ 3:42pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 25 Nov, 2018 @ 6:28am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 4 Dec, 2018 @ 2:02pm

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 28 Nov, 2018 @ 9:15am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 6:07am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 12:50pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2018 @ 11:31am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 7:07am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2018 @ 5:42pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 27 Nov, 2018 @ 11:16am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 14 Dec, 2018 @ 11:48am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 1 Dec, 2018 @ 10:34am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 2:42pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 7:05am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 23 Nov, 2018 @ 6:35pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 2:33pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 12:41pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 6:45am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 2:45pm

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 14 Dec, 2018 @ 11:48am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 2:58pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 25 Nov, 2018 @ 5:54am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 13 Dec, 2018 @ 11:05am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 6:35am

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 30 Jun, 2021 @ 11:03pm

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 30 Jun, 2019 @ 6:58pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 8:51am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 4 Jul, 2019 @ 4:46pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2018 @ 5:39pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 29 Nov, 2018 @ 12:20pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 29 Nov, 2018 @ 2:29pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 30 Nov, 2018 @ 12:00pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 1 Dec, 2018 @ 10:31am

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 7 Dec, 2018 @ 12:35pm

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 29 Nov, 2018 @ 11:54am

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked 20 Oct, 2019 @ 8:50am

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked 22 Apr, 2020 @ 8:44am

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 22 Apr, 2020 @ 10:12am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 30 Nov, 2018 @ 10:59am

Ode to Eddings

Deactivated all of the Vend-A-Cure XJ-2 units.
Unlocked 15 Jul, 2020 @ 10:05am

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked 22 Apr, 2020 @ 3:27pm

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 22 Oct, 2019 @ 11:27am

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 2 Jan, 2019 @ 8:58am

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 15 Apr, 2020 @ 7:01pm

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked 22 Apr, 2020 @ 10:56am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 30 Jun, 2019 @ 6:53pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 24 Nov, 2018 @ 7:32am



Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
2 / 20

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
+2

2 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked