Yuppie Wannabes:
An X generation subgroup that believes the myth of a yuppie
life-style being both satisfying and viable. Tend to be highly in
debt, involved in some form of substance abuse, and show a willingness
to talk about Armageddon after three drinks.
-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
😬
Life is too short to be taken seriously.
-- Oscar Wilde
😵
Making one brilliant decision and a whole bunch of mediocre ones isn't as
good as making a whole bunch of generally smart decisions throughout the
whole process.
-- John Carmack
😗
🙂
If I promised you the moon and the stars, would you believe it?
-- Alan Parsons Project
🤧
WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:

Firings will continue until morale improves.
😚
If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.
-- Simone de Beauvoir
🤗
<Knghtbrd> Subject: [GR PROPOSAL] Should we vote on trivial matters?
🤠
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
😴
I have never been one to sacrifice my appetite on the altar of appearance.
-- A.M. Readyhough
🙄
K: Cobalt's metal, hard and shining;
Cobol's wordy and confining;
KOBOLDS topple when you strike them;
Don't feel bad, it's hard to like them.
-- The Roguelet's ABC
🙁
Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
🤣
Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"!
🤐
Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations

Various signs in Poland:

Right turn toward immediate outside.

Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons.

Five o'clock tea at all hours.

In a men's washroom in Sidney:

Shake excess water from hands, push button to start,
rub hands rapidly under air outlet and wipe hands
on front of shirt.

-- Colin Bowles, San Francisco Chronicle
😲
😶
🤤
Mulder: Why is it so hard to believe? When the accepted
discovery of life off this planet is on the front page
of every newspaper around the world? When even the
most conservative scientists and science journals are
calling for the exploration of Mars and Jupiter, with
every reason to believe that life and the persistence
of it is thriving outside our own terrestrial sphere.
If you cannot get past this, then I suggest that this
whole committee be held in contempt for ignoring
evidence that cannot be refuted.

"The X-Files: Terma"
😭
It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward
the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the
case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by
crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.
-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
🤑
George Orwell 1984. Northwestern 0.
-- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
🤥
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
-- Benjamin Franklin
😩
A girl's conscience doesn't really keep her from doing anything wrong--
it merely keeps her from enjoying it.
😷
Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
😫
I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres.
🙁
🤠
A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another
man riding on a camel. When the rider gets close enough, the crawling man
whispers through his sun-parched lips, "Water... please... can you give...
water..."
"I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel, "I don't have any water
with me. But I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."
"Tie?" whispers the man. "I need *water*."
"They're only four dollars apiece."
"I need *water*."
"Okay, okay, say two for seven dollars."
"Please! I need *water*!", says the man.
"I don't have any water, all I have are ties," replies the salesman,
and he heads off into the distance.
The man, losing track of time, crawls for what seems like days.
Finally, nearly dead, sun-blind and with his skin peeling and blistering, he
sees a restaurant in the distance. Summoning the last of his strength he
staggers up to the door and confronts the head waiter.
"Water... can I get... water," the dying man manages to stammer.
"I'm sorry, sir, ties required."
😘
Q: What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
A: The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
😪
"The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."
-- D. Letterman
🤧
Unix is mature OS, windows is still in diapers and they smell badly.
-- Rafael Skodlar <raffi@linwin.com>
😱
Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the
forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind
the railroad yards."
-- H.L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan,
counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution
law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925.
🤒
It's wonderful, it's magical. Oh boy, here it comes. Another mouth.

-- Homer Simpson
And Maggie Makes Three
😍
"When You're Up to Your Ass in Alligators, Today Is the First Day of the
Rest of Your Life."
-- Management slogan, Ridcully-style
(Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent)
🙄