This is my penis. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My penis is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

Without me, my penis is useless. Without my penis, I am useless. I must fire my penis true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will ...

My penis and I know that what counts in war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit ...

My penis is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its head. I will keep my penis clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will ...

Before God, I swear this creed. My penis and I are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.

So be it, until victory is mine and there is no enemy, but penis!