Chris Traeger
Mr. Lollipop III PhD   California, United States
 
 
My body is finely tuned, like a microchip. I have a resting heart rate of 23 beats per minute. The scientists who study me say my heart can pump jet fuel up to an airplane. I have run 10 miles a day, every day, for 18 years. Thats 65 thousand miles. A third of the way to the moon. My goal is to run to the moon. I have literally never been more stressed out. I vomited somewhere in this room. I don't remember where, though. Then my herbalist took this weird bee pollen paste, rubbed it around my gums, and now my mouth feels like a spaceship. Carob cookies and berries are literally my favorite dessert alternative. I take care of my body above all else. Diet, excercise, supplements, positive thinking. Scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being. This is literally the most exciting thing that I've ever seen. To me, Sherlock Holmes is literally the greatest character in the Western Canon. A bran muffin is the highest honor flour can acheive. Every time I cleanse I can literally feel the toxins leaving my body. I'd like you to get me some more post-its. I'd like them in multiple colors. I'd like green. I'd like yellow. Do not buy orange. I do not want orange. I have plenty of orange. Yes, essentially I'd like you to choose a new font. A few months ago the thought of an infectious disease, even hypothetical, would have sent me careening toward Bummer-town, but now I'm infected with a deadly virus. And I feel fine! I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I am going to do. Labels can be bad, but they can also be good. "Warning: Toxic Bleach" Is a good label. An ounce of that would literally kill me. If i keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair. I'm engrossed in this book. It's the true story of a woman born with no arms and no legs who attempted to swim the English Channel. She drowned immediately. It's kind of a sad story. I was dying earlier today. Now I'm dead. I was born with a blood disorder and my parents were told I had 3 weeks to live. And here I still am. Some 2000 odd weeks later and I have enjoyed every one of them. Biking for charity is literally one of my interests on Facebook. There is literally nothing that you can't do. Lettuce is my all time favorite food.
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Santa Monica in the morning