I don't know if anybody out there can relate but like..
I have a hard time with life.. sometimes
sometimes is great, but a lot of times for me it's really hard, and
no matter how I'am feeling like.. i aways find myself like struggling with certain patterns and behaviors
i find myself like stuck in like.. the same thing that's keep's repeting onver, and over again and am just like.. how do i and up
how am i in this? and it's that moment where u're in it, and then you cant separate yourself from that situation
and you look at it, and you see if it what it is, and u're abble to then do something about it like.. u've now broken out of that that circle, that cicle
onestly like, there so many circumstances that for me, that relate to the situation but like.. i know that for me when i'm inside myself, and i'm in my own head, it get's a...
"this place right here", this skull, between my ears.. that is a bad neighborhood, i am.. i should not be in there, alone.. i can't be in there by myself.. it's insane
it's crazy in here, it's a bad place for me to be by myself, and soo..
when i'm in that like.. i get.. i.. my whole life gets trowing of, like if.. i'm in there like.. i don't say nice things to myself, like..
there's another person in there that's like.. wants to take me down, and so..
and i find that, it could be whether it's substances, or whether it's behavior, or whether it's like depressive stuff or wathever it is like if..
i'm not like actively like.. doing, getting out of myself and beeing with other people like beeing a beother, beeing a uncle, beeing a son, beeing a friend, helping someone else out like..
if i'm not... if i'm out of myself am great, if i'm inside, all the time, am horrible, am a mess and so..
for me it's like that was kind of where, i don't like my mind right now, stacking at problems that are so unnecessary, you know..
that's what kind.. that's was where that come from me, and.. that's.. but it's the moment where it's like.. realising like.. i drive myself nuts, like..
actually thinking that like.. all these are real problems, like all the stuff that's going on "here" is actually just.. am doing this to myself and..
regardless of wathever that thing is.. so this is that like.. concious awareness of that thing and like.. when you can step back and look at something, like u're actually elevating yourself conciously
like u're.. u're enlightened at tha point, to a certain degree, and so this is that moment of enlightment when you go you know.. i could do something about this, and by doing it, i can move forward and get unstuck from this
an i can actually be able to.. for me it's like, i can live with life on life's terms like.. i can experience the whole spectrum of humanity, and not wanna get out of it
whether it's happiness, sadness or whatever, like.. i just wanna like.. when i'm in it i just wanna get out of however i'm feeling, no matter what it is.
i think if you are successfull like.. out the sudden like you get like some card in the mail and it says like: "you're gonna be totally satisfied and happy for the rest of your life" it doesn't hapen like that, like..
life for me happens, the way it always like..
what goes on inside my head it's aways been that, is aways been that way for me, so.. when am not working on that like.. my life gets messy, and..

life is aways trowing these like, curveballs at you whether they're good or bad like.. it just happens, and eventually, what i found is..
specially with the bad stuff, cause that's the stuff that i.. that sticks to me a little bit more, coming out of the other side, and beeing like..
man i'm a better person because of that, or i can a more compassionate because of that or, you know, i can understand, i feel like i understand people or humanity a little bit differently,
cause i've been trough some pretty crazy stuff and.. that's a positive, so,
finding the positive in all these things that's what i always try to do but i still talk about the feelings i have going through all these different circumstances.