As a young boy, I aspired to be a garbage man. I yearned for the day in which I could let my luscious locks blow in the wind behind a garbage truck like any other kid of my age. I grew up idolizing and holding garbage men in such high regard that I in fact saw them as gods among men, doing the work of god. All that changed, the day I met my first garbage man. He changed how I saw garbage men the moment he stuck his fist in my ass.

At this point in my life, I went into a very dark place. I ate peanut butter right out of the jar and I spent most of my night jerking off to pictures of cream corn. I had no more drive to live, no more hopes and dreams. Everything I ever wanted had become my biggest fear and I had no where to turn. I began work on a novel, simply titled, "Five Fingers Makes a Fist". Although the novel was never finished, it allowed for me to overcome my greatest fear of garbage men, by releasing all of it into words. Some would call it therapeutic, I call it ♥♥♥♥ favours.

Having revitalized my life through the use of words and sentences, to form phrases and paragraphs, I had a new vigour and lust for life I had never had before. I began work on a computer, a computer at that time I believed I would create to overtake the entire banking system and begin syphoning money to fund my expensive quest to form a society of free thinking crab people. However, only hours into the computer build I realised all it was good for was computer games and porn. Having not quite overcome my obsession with cream corn, I mostly used the computer for video games.

That's when I discovered my un-naturally good ability at the game of Solitaire. It became an obsession, constantly striving to better myself.. constantly looking for better strats. I eventually got to the point where I could no longer play Solitaire without winning, I could see how to win without the first card being flipped. I was the Rainman of Solitaire and it was the peak of my life.

After a short time however, I lost interest as Solitaire became too easy for me. I quickly began playing Pokemon Stadium and I competed at the highest level within two months. I was winning pokemon battles every time I stepped into the ring and things were truly looking good for my pro career.

Then everything changed when a bunch of my fellow poke-trainers found Counter Strike: Source.