In order to fall asleep, you have to pretend to be asleep.

Tall people are expected to use their reach to help shorter people, but if a tall person were to ask a short person to hand them something they dropped on the floor it'd be insulting.

When you say 'Forward' or 'Back', your lips move in those directions.

Instead of colorizing photos, in 50 years we will be removing filters.

I've woken up over 10,000 times and I'm still not used to it

Christmas feels more like a deadline than a holiday.

When people think about travelling to the past, they worry about accidentally changing the present, but no one in the present really thinks they can radically change the future.

My dog understand several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Nothing is on fire, fire is on things.

Every time a character dies on a TV show I just feel bad for the actor who pretty much just got fired in front of us.

It's sad that having real ingredients in food products is a selling point.

A guy can decline an invitation by saying his girlfriend won't let him go and everyone will likely understand. But if a girl declines an invitation by saying her boyfriend won't let her go, people will likely get concerned.

Snapchat is ruining all the progress we made on getting people to take horizontal videos

1984-2000 seems a very long time compared to 2000-2016.

Your dog doesn't know you can make mistakes. When you trip over him in the dark, he thinks you got up just to kick him in the head.

I never realize how explicit my music is until my parents hear it in the car.

Clapping is just hitting your hands together repeatedly because you like something.

When jogging, we put on special clothes so people don't think we are running from or to something.

"Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"

The Japanese flag could actually be a pie chart of how much of Japan is Japan.

The object of golf is to play the least amout of golf.

Bushing your teeth is the only time you clean your skeleton.

Dogs probably destroy shoes because they see humans put them on before they leave the house.

In normal English, execute and kill are synonyms, but on a computer, they're antonyms.

"Where are you" is probably the least used phrase in sign language.

It's crazy that's there's this giant thing in the sky all the time that we're not supposed to look at.

Whenever you dig up dirt or a rock, that could be the first time it has seen the sun in millions of years.

The Hobbit was a book about the dangers of greed. The Hobbit films were ruined because of greed.

Teenagers drive like they have limited time & old people drive like they have all the time in the world.

If I punch myself in the face and it hurts...does that make me weak or strong?