Recent reviews by Alainator

If you screenshot every main assassination where Ezio gently holds and caresses his victims, in the wrong context, this game can be extremely homosexual, but fun nonetheless.

I enjoy murdering people. I enjoy stabbing, slashing, and hacking off heads and limbs. I like shooting people in the head with crossbows. Murdering for a purpose is always fun. This game allows any psychotic individual to live out their fantasies of murder and mayhem without real life consequencs of imprisonment and being turned into someone's ♥♥♥♥♥. Lets face it, my young and supple body cannot take that sort of punishment.

I have played a little Don't Starve in the past. It was a great game, but it got boring quick, as things got repetitive. Playing with friends, on the other hand, makes things a lot more interesting. Being the douchebag that I am, it is always fun to verbally abuse and mess with people.

At the moment, I play this game with a friend and some random kid that we have made into our slave, aka b*tch. He does most of the work, such as gathering and crafting. He also plays a robot, which are designed to be the slave to man. Therefore, it is the perfect role for him. As a man, I do the hunting. I bring home the bacon, in this case, rabbits. We also have a woman. She is pretty useless. All she does is pms and burn down all the berry bushes the robot worked so hard to tend and grow. She tells me she didn't do it on purpose, but who can believe the words of a woman? I know I can't.

I always make sure I am well fed and well rested. The safety and wellness of the others matter very little to me. With a full belly and rested body, I do not have to fear anything.

I usually start my day with breakfast. Its usually meatballs. Who doesn't like meat and balls? After a hearty unbalanced breakfast, I make my rounds, putting rabbits in chests. They survive indefinitely with no food or water, until I murder them. I collect seeds, poop, and materials along the way, but I never venture far. I have my robot slave for the hard labor. The woman also like venturing off. At the end of the day, I come back and eat more meat. Sometimes, I am nice enough to cook more for the servants. Sometimes, I don't. I enjoy it when they rush back as fast as they can, hoping there will be food there, while they are on the verge of death from starvation. It makes things more interesting.

My servants are the best. Without them, the game is nothing. Using up materials and leaving them to wonder where all the gold went is hilarious. They will most likely read this and hate me, but I am in charge of the server, so there is nothing they can do!

It is never fun to have something long and dark forcefully thrust inside you. I like this game though, its fun.

This is not a game.

Life sucks when the only facial hair you can grow makes your chin look like the sparse and shriveled testicles of a prepubescent child. This game lets me grow a beard and taught me how to shave.

I played this game before I was even born. Here's my review.

I always wanted to know what it felt like to be an illegal immigrant gardener. This game not only allows me to experience the harsh sun beating on my neck as I plant flowers for ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, but it adds in some challenges as angry ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ disguised as zombies try to deport me.

I do not scare easily, for my heart is filled with darkness and I probably have no soul. I marathon horror films in the middle of the night, solo. I went to Great America's Halloween Haunt and annoyed the employees by trying to scare them instead. I also jumped off a building one time. I'm kind of like Will Smith in that crappy After Earth movie, but without the scientology and a bad actor known as Jaden Smith.

This game, however, changed things for me. It put fear back into my heart. Its tendrils, so tenderly burrowed its way into my amygdala, from the very bottom of my bunghole.

I started out in a car. When I got out, there was a building. I realized I was very tall. This pleased me, because in reality, I am not that tall. I got through a gate door and fiddled around with the controls to learn the game. Walking to the building, I discovered the door was locked, so I had to find another path. To the left, there was a small opening that I had to crawl through like a dog. Dog is the preferred meat source of my people. Getting through that hole, I saw an open window a few stories up. I had to climb like Assassin's Creed.

Once I got inside, the lights turned off. I got scared and jumped back out the window. Then I decided to kill myself because I did not want to go any further, so I jumped over the edge. I plummeted to my death, only to be ressurected by the stupid game.

I knew I had to continue, so I walked around. I went into another room across a hallway. The TV turns on, but that doesn't scare me. I keep moving. I see vending machines and a vent. I don't want to go into the vent, but I guess I have to. Going through the vent, I see some guy running around. I'm scared so I stay there for a while.

After a while, I decide to jump down. There is a door, I open it. Something jumps out at me. I scream at the top of my lungs. I hide back in the vent for a while. I finally am brave enough to leave the vent and continue through the dark room filled with corpses. I come across a guy dying. He tells me random things. I don't really care. I'm scared.

I find batteries in a bathroom. There is a hand sticking out of the toilet. I wonder if It will wipe me.

I leave the bathroom and continue on. There is no way to go except for this tiny passageway I have to squeeze through. I decide to squeeze through. Out of nowhere, some giant fat dude with no skin grabs me and says something. I scream at the top of my lungs as he throws me through the tinted window. I continue screaming for a while at the top of my lungs. I see some guy going through my things.

I can't do this anymore. This game is too scary. Save and Exit.

This game sucks.

Walked around for some time, hoping to shoot some deer in the face. Did not come across any. Can't even run. Its as if I'm controlling a mentally retarded hunter that is extremely slow in everything he does. I took some pictures, fired a few bullets, used the binoculars, and used the deer noise maker. If hunting is this boring in real life, then it is not worth it unless you're stranded and must kill for food.

Stealth is too time comsuming and troublesome, so I preferred to go around shooting people in the face and alerting all enemies of my godly presence. Try and kill my bald ass all you want, but I will destroy you all!