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*amy Schumer walks on stage*
*picks up mic, almost drops it twice while fumbling it*
*taps it to test its on, it screeches*
“Ahem. Welcome to my comedy special. I’m Amy Schumer and I have a vagina.”
A few small chuckles begin. They slowly increase until most of the audience is giggling at the joke. They don’t stop but Amy continues on to her next joke.
“I have periods too.”
The audience suddenly roars into laughter. Tears streaming down some people’s faces as they struggle to breathe. Amy still goes on.
“One time I woke up and my vagina was like ooh I’m a vagina”
The audience laughs so hard they can’t breathe. Amy Schumer walks off stage. The crowd is still roaring with laughter. People begin to pass out due to inability to breathe from laughing so hard. Amy Schumer walks back out, for one last joke.
“I have boobs too”
That’s it. Amy runs off stage as fast as she can. The crowd starts going insane. People are ripping each other’s faces off, there’s blood everywhere. People begin stripping naked and throwing their own feces. Security can’t control them. Anyone that tries to stop them is instantly mauled. People begin eating each other’s limbs, still laughing the entire time. This crowd has become an uncontrollable mob. Swat teams burst in through the windows, but they can’t stop the beast. The main floor is now covered by a thin pool of blood. 1/4 of the audience is dead by now, but the laughter is louder than ever. The military gets called in, but they don’t know what to do. They send in teams from every entrance to try to stop the mob, but they’re taken down quite quickly. Eventually they decide the only option is to bomb the venue. They clear out everyone within 16 blocks. A Rockwell B-1 Lancer is flown in. The bomb levels the entire building. As military rushes in to check for casualties only one person is left laughing. It’s coming from under the stage. It’s Amy. She’s covered in dirt and rubble, and she’s bleeding. She’s giggling to herself. The soldiers try to get her out from under the stage, but they can’t reach her. They attempt to coax her out but she isn’t moving. Eventually, after what seems like years, she stops laughing. Everything is silent. Nobody moves, you can hear the sound of everyone’s breath in the crisp, cool air. Amy slowly turns around and scans her audience. “Do you want to hear a joke?”

The End.