...And that's how an heroic hippo became a deputy.
Stupid hippo.

Well, it looks like we have our first caller. And I mean ever, because this is not a call-in show.

Top of the morning to ye on this gray, grizzly afternoon. Kent O'Brockman live on Main Street, where today everyone is a little bit Irish, except, of course, for the gays and the Italians.

... and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string... all through the night.
On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves!

Authorities say that the phony pope can be identified by his high top sneakers, and incredibly foul mouth.