Want To Be Me? Well, Do These Things: Be The Number One Sonic Fan, Win Several Nobel Peace Prizes And Milk Chugging Championships, Be Able To Count To 19 On A Good Day, And Make A Mean Ass Peanut Butter And Cheese Sandwich.

I Am A Former Peanut Farmer (Hence My Mean Ass Peanut Butter And Cheese Sandwiches). Also An Avid Milk Enthusiast (Hence My Championships). I Owned Several Pets, Including But Not Limited To: Goldfish, Dogs, Cats, Guinea Pigs, A Ferret, Pigs, Chinese Pigeons, Other Birds, And A Frog. And Yes, I Did Ghost Write The Lyrics For John Lennon's "Imagine."

There Are Few Things I Would NOT Do. So I Am Going To List The Things I Do DAILY. Brush My Teeth Before And After Every Meal, Eat Meals That Are 975 Calories Exactly Three Times A Day, Bench Press One More Pound Than I Did The Previous Day (I Am Currently At 98 lbs) For 30 Minutes Straight, Work In The Mines For 9 Hours With No Breaks (Unpaid Lunch Breaks But I Still Work), And Last But Not Least, I Walk My Seven Dogs For 5 Hours. I Fall Asleep In The Shower Most Nights To Stay Clean For The Next Day.

I Truly Have Never Met A Single Soul That Can Beat Me In A Cartwheeling Competition. I Can Cartwheel Forwards, Backwards, Side By Side, Lefty Style, Goofy Style, Upside Down, On Concrete AND Grass, In Water, Out Of Water, Partially In Water, Drenched In Olive Oil, At A 311 Concert, And While Laughing. I Would Like To See You Even Try To Do Seven Of Those... That's Right. You Can't...

The First 23 Years Of My Life I Lived In A House With Led Paint And Asbestos. It Strengthened My Heart And My Lungs And It Has Resulted In Me Being Able To Hold My Breath Longer Than The Average Person (Human) Without Coughing Or Hiccuping.

So Yeah. I Am THAT Epic.