Tortuga

(◍Ő◡Ő)

You guys can't even comprehend the ability that this man posses. He has climbed to some of the highest peaks of the North American Dota 2 ladder. Some may call him a smurf, by just glancing at his in-game profile that showcases his amazing 80% Huskar winrate, and but a meager 4000 total games played. This man is a dota prodigy, and future TI winner. "He isn't that good" some might claim, but they have not yet grasped the truth.

Turtle doto, or Turtle God as some call him, plays with only 20% of his total mental capacity. This man plays every game while chain smoking the biggest Cali blunts that money can buy, while banging your mom with his 10 inch penis. Why does he do this? Out of pity of course, turtle god has to give himself a major handicap to make this game fair for the 9 other players in his pubs. When turtle god rids himself of his handicaps, he will skyrocket himself straight to rank 1.

Oh I'm sorry. I just looked at your profile I didn't realize you where a lady. (And a beautiful one at that) I try my best to respect women. Especially women in gaming. As a matter of fact now I actually do agree with you. I'm sorry. Maybe you could even add me on PSN and we can play some games together. We could play GTA, overwatch, Minecraft, maybe even a little COD. add me xXxChildMolesterxXx. Sorry about my name. My cousin made it a while back. He is not a good person like me and does not carry my values.
Good day ma'am.
Also I PM'd you. Take a look and lmk what you think.

hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It’s really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don’t know why it’s a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play dayz sometime it’s a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don’t worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasn’t flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i’m really shy I don’t go out much haha add me on skypie we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx

hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It’s really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don’t know why it’s a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play dayz sometime it’s a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don’t worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasn’t flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i’m really shy I don’t go out much haha add me on skypie we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx