Craig Marduk? It is you! I used to watch your fights on TV all the time! I'm Jeff Slater, the current Vale Tudo champion. Has the ex-champ forgotten how to fight? Come on Marduk, bring it on! It'll be the biggest unofficial bout of the century! The bad-ass reigning champ versus the legend who dissappeared in the wake of a scandal! Oh, running away, huh? What's the matter? 'fraid to see "Legendary Fighter KO'd" in the headlines?

Don't bother getting up.