Constipation, how bad can it be right?
I had no idea. Been smoking weed for 10 years and always been regular as clockwork. Wake up, have a morning joint and then a nice big poo.
But I decided to change my life and quit, fell horribly ill for about a week and in that time... No poo. Not even a lil nug.
Once I got better still no poo. It's been 2 weeks since my last rendevous with the porcelain throne, and I was getting nervous. Took some stool softeners, ate my weight in prunes and hoped for the best.
And tonight it happened, the brown flood came knocking at the gates. But it was no flood, not at all. I felt like I was giving birth to a cannonball. Solid Iron. Too big to pass through.
I had to do something, I'd been pushing for an hour and in that time shed all my clothes, I was sweating like a pig. I felt behind me and my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ was wide open, trying so hard... I took the plunge. It was massive, solid, I poked at it and felt a little piece come loose from the monster.
And then I lost all inhibition. For half an hour I was digging in there, breaking it up into smaller bits as much as I could, pulling them out by hand piece by piece. They were like rocks. There was blood, fresh and red, but I was too far gone. It had to be finished, it had to come out. All of it.
It went so deep, I had no idea of all the angles in there, never dug that deep before. Still like Iron.
Then I broke off and pulled out a piece the size of small toy car, and felt a change. A rumbling. My bowel telling me, yes. This is it, you've done it. I got the rest. I pushed my hands on the walls on either side of the bowl and it blasted out me like a hurricane, full force.
Two whole weeks of backed up ♥♥♥♥, it was powerful, incredible, a feeling I had never known existed.
And then I was empty and gross. I wiped my hand as best I could, dug out the ♥♥♥♥ from under my fingernails and washed them until they were raw.
I am empty now. I am powerful. I beat the ♥♥♥♥.