Here's a short story by me.

Good evening... The one who gives birth to the desire to schit out a whole brick of brown substance, of which the subsistence pursues. At this time the brown substance becomes unbricked. The turdostrophy of the desire is to pursue its own subsistence. At which point, it has become uncontastrophied from within your desire to unshit. This is known as the great unshitting.

The time at which these things become conscious is often times the time in which we find comfort in our own homes. However, at certain times and locations, such as a JC Penny, or a Big Lots, we discover that the schitning has returned. (dark music plays vividly).

At this moment, Dan decided he would piss out of his shorts's leg hole, directly onto the shower-curtain within the Big Lots's big lots. The shower-curtains are designed to resist water, but to himself, the water and the piss are a unison of liquids, and don't necessarily need explaining. The Big Lots's big lots have often times pondered what kind of disastrous liquids might haunt their tiles, but the employees remain unaware. As for the shower-curtain... it now smells like piss.

When piss becomes mixed with plastic, it sits with a boisterous stench... One which is both violent and subtle. It is only when Mr. and Mrs. James arrive home that they notice the smell. One might reply, "I can't even imagine how this would happen." While the other merely remarks, "It looks fine to me." And, while it may look fine for now, it will only be months later, that Mr. James is lambasted with the remark, "James James, are you sure you didn't have a little bender recently?"

To which James J. James will reply, "Of course I did honey, you were with me."

That night, James J. James and his wife shared a moment of celibacy and marijuana cigarettes. In the morning, James would awake to his wife, Jamie, lying next to him with her hand grasping tightly to her wedding ring. James would wake her and say, "Good morning."