vladimir putin i am not your father
but i could be if you'd let me
you would have room to grow
so that one day a message of love and
togetherness you could bestow
you would have space to learn within
even as you may feel the world that's
constricting around him i would have
taught you that every little rock and
bug on this planet has a soul that is
eternal and needs to be cherished
not a target for artillery bombardmented
vladimir
not my name of choice
i would have named you strong
wise
valiant
so that my son could speak with a good
voice
lucas putin
of the highest pedigree
the whole human race would have to agree
or maybe mason putin
mason would study medicine for a year at
university before realizing it's too
hard then go on a surfing trip to find
himself
or maybe scott putin
scott would wear dirty old corduroys
with stains everywhere but he wouldn't
care
he would smell like french cigarettes
and the world
and drive an ancient volvo that barely
starts
tell you stories until 5am and together
you could watch the sun come up over the
coma de giancarlo hill in rome
kicking back bottles of cheap lambrisco
wine laughing
scott putin only needs a ukulele and a
passport to be at peace with the
universe
not tanks and bombs
if i was putin's father
i would have bounced you on my knee and
filled your heart with glee so that you
could see that the world doesn't have to
be filled with pain and strife
because there's a better life
i would cook you abortion so sweet with
carrots turnips and beets
if i was your father to the lake fishing
trips we would take
you'd have so much love on your plate
you would pass down the love i bestow
instead of so much hate
if i was putin's father i never would
have spanked him
he would have grown to take the throne a
good king and the people would have
thanked him
together we'd be a family of love of safety
an anti-war family
if i was putin's father i'd tear apart
the domineering patriarchal values that
caused such strife
i'd lead by example
he would retain his mother's name so he
would be vladimir putin hyde
if i was putin's father my little baby
putin would never go hungry and never
feel fear
and my little baby would never ever go
to jail or end up as a statistic in kkk
america
where a black man just dies
if he's black he just dies
mr president putin won't you please look
in my eyes and count to three
one
two
three
it's okay to cry
a real man doesn't hide behind his tanks and missiles
but instead he faces the hurt inside
if i was putin's father putin would be a
progressive and kind leader who would
throw out all of russia's history books
and teach russians chicano feminism
and never again would a russian man's
hand be wrapped around a latina woman's throat
putin
if i was your daddy i'd teach you about
all the gays and blacks so that you'd
think twice before ukraine you attack
if i was putin's father i would teach
him how to do the whole alphabet
backwards so you can be popular and
funny and maybe not turn out as an incel
if i was your dad i would have been so
glad i would have raised a strong son
without a small man complex if i was
putin's father i wouldn't hold him back
from all the content he wants to watch
i'd let him watch shane dawson and james
charles on his ipad starting at age one
hopefully turning him gay so he can
chill out and not murder and kill for fun
if i were putin's father i would block
donald trump on my son's twitter account
cutting him off from the dangerous
pipeline of hate politics and crony
trumpist lies
i would be accountable and responsible
for my little baby son
and i would vaccinate him twice
if i was putin's father i would have had
him circumcised extra so that he knew
how hard it is to grow up with a woman's
clitoris if i was your father vladimir
you'd be a trans swimmer the best and
you'd smash all the girls championships
and records
and you'd be just like your father a
total athletic beast
together we'd be in the best shape of
our lives i'd be your best friend and
most reliable wingman if i was putin's
father
you would never call a woman a B ♥♥♥♥♥ again
you'd call her a princess
and if i ever found out my son was
treating women with disrespect
i'd chop it off and put it in a jar if
you know what i'm saying
imagine if rosie the riveter was a woman
of color
then would you call her a n ♥♥♥♥♥♥?
vladimir i wish i was your father
we would watch marvel in avengers movies
so that you could see how a real hero
behaves
a real hero uses his shield
not missiles to protect against darth
vader and the evil empire
what makes the father
better yet what makes a son
if i was putin's father oh the things he
would become
putting into words what my fatherhood
would bring
to putin in these times would take five
million threads and strings
so instead i leave this poem for the
next time you are wondering what if i
was putin's father well let's just say
it would really be something