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69 of 89 (78%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 29 May, 2016 @ 11:13am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 28 May, 2018 @ 7:49am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 12 Sep, 2019 @ 3:00pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2021 @ 6:23pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 26 Feb, 2019 @ 4:06pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2021 @ 2:28pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 26 Feb, 2019 @ 4:18pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2019 @ 3:20pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2019 @ 6:24pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 11 Sep, 2019 @ 7:14pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 12 Sep, 2019 @ 3:50pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 12 Sep, 2019 @ 6:32pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 14 Sep, 2019 @ 6:09pm

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2021 @ 10:11am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 12 Sep, 2019 @ 5:55pm

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2021 @ 8:15pm

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2021 @ 2:28pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 14 Oct, 2019 @ 4:07pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2021 @ 8:58pm

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2021 @ 9:16pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2019 @ 5:51pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2019 @ 6:23pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2021 @ 7:44pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 12 Sep, 2019 @ 6:46pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 26 Feb, 2019 @ 4:28pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 11 Sep, 2019 @ 7:31pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 12 Sep, 2019 @ 2:46pm

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2021 @ 8:34pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2021 @ 6:47pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 12 Sep, 2019 @ 3:12pm

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 14 Sep, 2019 @ 5:48pm

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2021 @ 9:54pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 29 Nov, 2020 @ 12:46pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 11 Sep, 2019 @ 6:34pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 12 Sep, 2019 @ 6:14pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2021 @ 9:32am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2021 @ 2:33pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2021 @ 7:42pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2021 @ 7:03pm

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2021 @ 6:15pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 29 May, 2016 @ 11:18am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 26 Feb, 2019 @ 4:20pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 12 Nov, 2016 @ 8:40am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 12 Nov, 2016 @ 8:22am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 11 Sep, 2019 @ 6:44pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2019 @ 3:52pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 26 Feb, 2019 @ 4:21pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2021 @ 8:43pm

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2021 @ 8:36pm

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2021 @ 9:35am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 12 Sep, 2019 @ 3:43pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2021 @ 9:59am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 25 Feb, 2020 @ 10:12am

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2021 @ 3:16pm

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2019 @ 3:43pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2019 @ 3:23pm

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2021 @ 9:28am

Gary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2021 @ 6:59pm

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2021 @ 2:25pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 14 Sep, 2019 @ 6:11pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 15 Sep, 2019 @ 10:49am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 15 Sep, 2019 @ 6:54pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 16 Sep, 2019 @ 6:31pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 14 Oct, 2019 @ 8:25pm

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 15 Sep, 2019 @ 7:43pm

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 14 Oct, 2019 @ 7:36pm

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 16 Sep, 2019 @ 6:01pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 15 Sep, 2019 @ 5:56pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 28 Feb, 2019 @ 2:30pm



Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
8 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+7

7 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked