TL;DR: I wish I hadn’t fallen asleep during Mythwrecked: Ambrosia Island so I could quit before hitting the 2-hour mark and refund it. Not worth your time or money—even at 70% off. I wasted both (technically, time was mine and the money was my husband's) so you don’t have to. Go read the negative reviews; they’re all true.

The colossal disappointment that is Mythwrecked deserves to be studied. Greek mythology, alongside the Bible, is one of the richest sources of inspiration for European culture. It’s endlessly fascinating, brimming with intrigue, and has captivated generations. Everyone knew that one kid obsessed with Greek or Roman gods. (If you knew me, that kid was me.) So how do you take this treasure trove of storytelling and make it… boring? I didn’t think it was possible, but Mythwrecked managed to pull it off.

I played the demo a few months ago. It was… underwhelming, but I figured it was incomplete. I wasn’t sold on the creative direction—modernized gods? Fine. Alternative haircuts and less conventional looks? Sure. But Hermes in a comically small speedos? The gods’ faces straying into uncanny valley territory? The whole vibe felt… off. Still, I held onto hope. Maybe the full release would improve things. Surely, they wouldn’t release a game in that state without further refinement. Right?

Reader, they did release it in that state.

The story is barely a story—more like a draft. It’s shallow, with dialogue so uninspired I ended up skipping through it (and I never skip dialogue; I read everything). The graphics are unimpressive at best, actively frustrating at worst. Once the sun sets, good luck distinguishing paths from walls (sometimes invisible ones!). The gameplay? Imagine a DoorDash simulator where you’re the dasher, your clients don’t know what they want, and instead of getting paid, you pay them with fruit. If that’s not bad enough, every character seems determined to overcomplicate everything. The game forces you into an infuriatingly rigid progression system that feels less like playing and more like enduring.

And the puzzles (more like a puzzle). If you’re over the age of three, you’ll find them insulting.

The cherry on top is the sound design. The characters’ grunts, moans, and monosyllabic exclamations are a special kind of torture. I don’t expect every game to have full voice acting, but please, don’t make me sit through Aphrodite moaning and bouncing her... chest while talking about gardening.

I wish I could say I quit, but no—I fell asleep (the background music is soothing) and by the time I woke up, it was too late for a refund. I finished the game out of morbid curiosity, and I can confidently say it’s an overpriced piece of garbage that never should’ve been released in this state.

For a deeper dive into what went so horribly wrong, I highly recommend Randy Savage Brother’s review. It’s an excellent analysis of this disaster. Honestly, read that—and all the other negative reviews—before considering buying this game. They’re painfully accurate.