i decided to make a poster that was dedicated to myself.
this poster is full of promises, but unfortunately, its full of lies too.
everything on this poster is false except for these four sentences, which you're expected to read:
• if you text me first and immediately mention how much you love me, i will delete your number.
• if you show up at my apartment without having called ahead to give me plenty of notice, i will tell your parents that you're not here for the wedding because you're dead.
• if you're trying to get inside my pants (or, more accurately, onto my property), i will stop talking and walk away.
• if i ever forget any of the above things i will give myself another one for free, since thats just how great i am and nobody should even bother expecting the same standard of excellence in others.

i hate this poster.
so much of who im not would be disappointed if he were alive and well to see it.
his smile haunts my dreams.
but thanks, whomever it was who invented me.
i appreciate how you put my best face forward and hoped it would inspire my followers.
still, if he saw you for what you truly are, i know your ass wouldnt survive an afternoon in my neighborhood.
keep being yourself, though. youre great just how you are.