お先に失礼します (さよならは仮のことば)
失陪了再见 (小紅道客)
Au revoir (roi Arthur)


I had always known I would be gone eventually, I just never expected it to be so abrupt.
Though, I guess knowing almost a year in advance can be either long or short.
Sometimes your dreams can be the harshest gaoler.
For me, the dreams of the past are the most unbearable.

I've always made it a point to stick to my principles, and to never leave any regrets for myself in this life no matter the consequences. To this day, I don't have anything in my life that I regret, still... I wish things could have been different.

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1/1/2024, 28, 清, written 30/3/2023
https://pastebin.com/CdjkVX5m
31/12/2023
"I'm not sure what I want, but I don't think it's this."
Farewell to kith and kin as I wade into the abyss.

... I really wasn't planning to be writing this, but as I'm here now... I can't help but want to write just a little more. I guess I should have known I would eventually be here again, 12 years ago, 2 years ago, and now today, I still don't really think I'm mentally prepared for this. I'm not as determined as I was twelve years ago, or as emotional as I was two years ago, but this time I'm nowhere near as impulsive as either... I've spent nearly the entire past year of my life living in reckless abandon, and making preparations for this, but other than being a little more rude and honest, I did absolutely nothing of note, I really am a dull person aren't I? At least my health has gotten a lot worse than when I started, besides, unlike 12 years ago my lungs are already so damaged and 2 years ago I... can't back out now, not without having to face myself and the pointless waste of all this afterwards... so I guess, here I go, I don't know what outcome I want from this, but I'll let fate decide and see where I end up. It's strange, all throughout my life I've lived so close to the ocean, but I haven't seen it in so long, nor ever learnt how to swim... I feel so awkward being so blunt, I'll just tap save and forget about everything.