[...]

So, how about you? Do you have any memories of your first love?

Sure do. I still adore her. But I, too, must move on.

Why do you have to move on?
Why not just be with her already and all the time?

We parted ways, which is the best possible outcome. Worst of all, I lost her during the pandemic and had no idea.

Do you want to talk about it? I'm starting to feel nosy...

Sure. Why not.
It's started... 8 years ago?
We had been friends for a long time. I'm not even sure where it started.

It means since junior high?

Seems so. I was in the same club with her. Same thoughts, same passion.

What kind of club?

What was it... Photography?
Apart from passion and hobby though, we differ in every other way. I am a calculated person, whereas she is impulsive. I'm more restrained, while she's as light as air. I'm more cautious, while she acts fast, think later. She was uninteresting to me. That I am certain of. Just another passerby.

However, as time passed by, and we grew older, I felt a flutter every time we spent time together. "It's love," I thought, but I didn't want to ruin my relationship with her. So I bury it, for years. Yet... yet she always came back to me with new stories and hopes. It's as if God himself was plotting against me.

Then things took a turn for me. A hard, wrong turn.

I was one those early risers. Dream career, academic success, startup, connection, feel free to name it. Previously, I had never trusted anyone. This took its toll on me, leading to my reliance on alcohol and drugs.

When the pandemic struck, not only had I not healed from my self-inflicted wounds...
I also lost virtually everything.

Virtually?

Yes, it's subjective. For some, I lost a lot. For others, I lost everything. For me, I'd rather die. People abandoned me when they noticed I was no longer useful. I assume it was mostly because I had never earned their trust.

I understand... sorry to hear that

Now, desperate for a kind touch, I returned to her. But really, what words would you expect from a rabid, wounded, and feral dog?

Looking back, what I said to her was doubtlessly hurtful. I stabbed her where it hurt. We never saw each other again after that. I tried to contact her several times to apologize, but the damage had been done.

What did you say to her?

She's always a proud girl, whom unfortunately come from a broken family background.
I told her, "You know nothing about pain."

Goodness...

All faults on me there. If I could go back in time and meet me of that day, I'd wrestle him to death. Natheless, live goes on. Each and everything I can do now is slip a prayer or two for her well-being.

Two humans estranged because of mere words.

How pathetic.

Well, that's my story.

Are you okay?

Things appear to be looking up today. I'm working hard every day to become a better man. But I suppose it's human to be sorry. Every time I saw her name, I would stop dead in my tracks.

Give it more time

I will. Thank you.

---

Hey, it's Nade here. Things are only going to get busier from here on out. While I enjoy playing games with the most of of you, I'm afraid I've made a promise I can't break.

There's always a breaking point... and a point of no return. In my brief life, I have discovered the latter; a fate worse than death. I need to force myself to move forward now, to live my late loved one's dream. This is my farewell.

May your future only brings you joy, and no regret.