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.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :- THIS IS THE BARKING DOG WIENER
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ¸„-^¯
.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.:. : : : : : : : ¸„„-^¯ PUT THIS ON THE PROFILE OF 5 OTHER PEOPLE
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So guys, it's happened. I ♥♥♥♥♥ myself in the middle of the hall. Everyone was staring at me, then the smell hit and they either puked or ran the fu ck away. A few even passed out from the toxic stench. I should mention that I didn't just ♥♥♥♥♥ myself. It was more of a fecal explosion. It sounded like a bomb went off too. There's not much else to tell besides I'm moving as far away as possible from this school so nobody will recognize me. I just hope it doesn't happen again at the new school.

-Rep After a good game in csgo, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard♥♥♥♥♥♥push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.

ಠ_ಠ <) )╯ ✒ i have a pen / \

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🍎<( )> I have an / \ apple

_
(•_•) ~ ( ) ~ uh! / \

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<) )- 🍎✒ apple pen / \

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_
(•_•) ( (> uh! / \

_
(•_•) 🍍✒ <) )/ pineapple pen / \

🍎✒ (•_•) ( . (> apple pen / \

_ 🍍✒ (•_•)/ <) ) pineapple pen / \

_
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( (> uh! / \

✒🍍🍎✒ (•_•)/ ( ) Pen / \ pineapple apple pen!

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.