Breaking News: Monkey Man strikes again. Monkey man has been spotted robbing local sperm banks. Monkey has hit the sperm banks in several cities across the United States, and has finally managed to gather enough jizz to make his hit TV show National Jizzographic. Monkey Man has captured the hearts of millions across the globe, and continues to expand his empire via tactical war efforts in Croatia, by forcing civilians to give him their semen. Croatian military units have been trying to converge on Monkey Man's location for the past 9375 hours, and have had no success. All citizens across the world are advised to stay indoors, and not respond to hearing the ice cream man playing the PH theme song over their speakers.

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