Just a little home skillet tryin' to make it in a big home slice world
Also, I am a potato in all multiplayer games.




>stroll into my local GameStop
>looking to pick up a copy of ARMA TWOOOOOO
>grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register
>"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."
>she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves
>her eyes widen as she reads the game's title
>"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"
>I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind
>"Hahaha look at what this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of ♥♥♥♥!"
>I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst
>generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing
>"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."
>"♥♥♥♥ you ♥♥♥♥♥♥!"
>I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them
>"As you wish..."
>I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react
>he bellows and charges forward
>I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter
>I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back
>"...requiescat in pace..."
>As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers
>"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?
>"No thanks, milady, I prefer single player. Besides..."
>I sheath my sword
>"You're not my type."
>skate away on my Heelys


Little Old Lady and the Atheist

There was a little old lady who would come out every morning on the steps of her front porch, raise her arms to the sky and shout, "Praise the Lord!"

Well, one day an atheist moved into the house next door. Over time, he became irritated at the little old lady. So every morning he would step out onto his front porch and yell after her, "There is no God!"

Time passes with the two of them carrying on this way every day. Then one morning in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted, "Praise the Lord! Lord, I have no food and I am hungry. Please provide for me, oh Lord!"

The next morning she stepped onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there. "Praise the Lord!" she cried out. "He has provided groceries for me!" The atheist jumped out of the hedges and shouted, "There is no Lord. I bought those groceries!" The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted, "Praise the Lord! He has provided me with groceries and He made the devil pay for them!"