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Jean-Michel TurboPenis woke up in a sweat. The Great Cosmic Anus was opening above Earth, ready to ♥♥♥♥ out an army of interdimensional earthworms.
He put on his tempered steel briefs and called his ally, Captain Spring-♥♥♥♥.
"Quick! The Anus is expanding!" he yelled.
On his atomic moped, Jean-Michel slalomed between burning turds. At the top of the Eiffel Tower, the Queen of the Mutant Moths was waiting for him.
"Are you ready for the Quantum Laxative?!"
"In your ass, ♥♥♥♥♥!" he retorted, unloading his gorilla sperm bazooka.
One shot. The Anus exploded in a shower of toxic Nutella.
Captain Spring-Bite placed a hand on his shoulder.
"What now?"
"IKEA. I need a wardrobe and an artificial kidney."
He realized shortly after this incident that he was completely gay.
⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣫⣭⣭⣭⣭⣥⢹⣟⣛⣛⣛⣃⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⣠⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⢯⡓⢻⠿⠿⠷⡜⣯⠭⢽⠿⠯⠽⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣼⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣥⣝⠂⠐⠈⢸⠿⢆⠱⠯⠄⠈⠸⣛⡒⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣭⡭⢟⣲⣶⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠋⠄⠄⣴⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⢶⡀
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣛⠿⢿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⢰⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣧
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡹⣭⣛⠳⠶⠬⠭⢭⣝⣛⣛⣛⣫⣭⡥⠄⠸⡄⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⢇⡟
⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣭⣛⣛⡛⠳⠶⠶⠶⣶⣶⣶⠶⠄⠄⠄⠙⠮⣽⣛⣫⡵⠊⠁
⣍⡲⠮⣍⣙⣛⣛⡻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠖⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣬⣭⣭⣭⣝⣭⣭⣭⣴⣷⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠤⠿⠦⠤⠄⠄