Recent reviews by Meladoom

Been playing the Bloons series since 2009. This game is the sole reason for my ADHD.

And while ADHD medication is very useful to satisfy expectation and fit into the psychopathic mold of society, after 16 years of regular consumption it's good to take a break.

Since the withdrawal kicked in, the only thing I have energy for - is getting out of bed, breastfeeding the pipsqueaks and playing Bloons. Bloons TD4, Bloons TD4 Expansion, Bloons Super Monkey, Bloons 2, Bloons TD5, Bloons Super Monkey 2, Bloons Monkey City, and now it's Bloons TD6.

A few years ago this game costed me $0.25 (ty regional prices), unfortunately it doesn't go as low nowadays, but it's the best thing money can buy anyways.

...right after a divorce lawyer

*Sigh*
After playing "Nihilumbra" and "The Coffin of Andy and Leyley", I was shocked by how much I can enjoy story-driven games after years of spending my life in "Game as a Job" junk with battlepasses, dailies etc.
And so I found this game thanks to some meme referincing this book[en.wikipedia.org]. Just like with NieR: Automata 8 years ago, I've been REALLY anticipating to play this because I loved the graphics a lot. And also the reviews+description mentioning how this game is about dying/sending your friends to the afterlife.

And oh BOY what a disappointment it is.

I can forgive the boring dialogue, because Spiritfarer® claims to be a "cozy game", so you should expect getting the same script just like when opening up youtube and searching for "boring story to help you sleep asmr" and select anything BUT that Joe Pera adult swim video.

But alas, this game is made by and for what I call "Sentimental Liberals". You'll instantly realize who I'm talking about just by searching smth like cozy games suck on the #2 worst website ever.

The gameplay, just like in every single other "stardew crossing" is extremely tedious, and even though these games sometimes explicitly say that you don't need to rush, time-related mechanics (ex. growing crops, night-and-day cycle) give the opposite result. Despite everything.
(Celeste's strawberries are a good example of a misleading tutorial. Though the game isn't a literal "Stardew Crossing" gameplay wise, everything else is the same vibe-wise)
You collect crops, CRAFT(ugh) things out of stuff you find on randomly spawning "crate" islands and normal islands that have trees/rocks that regenerate over time. Build base on a claustrophobia-inducing deus-ex-inventory-like canvas (Ship). And wait. A lot.
You've seen this countless times, and I see no reason for it to be here at all.
Yes, this is what this game's target audience plays, so they HAD to choose the "9999th farm game on the nintendo direct" genre, instead of making this a Walking Simulator with some platforming elements (Dean Takahashi lololol xddd)

Though somehow Slime Rancher made me more anxious than playing Dota 2, so there's that

The characters and... lore? feel really weird.
The game starts with some ancient spiritfarer sayng that you have to become their ancestor/inheritor, and you just go along with it. "Hey, here's your 9/5 job on a nail factory, go. Make a living"
There's this rich deer girl who is supposed to be your tutorial mentor, but she just appears out of nowhere, tells your backstory so you don't need to play through some 30min prologue (which is good), but the game wants me to believe it with no additional context.
The next NPC is a huge frog who's claiming to be your uncle. Same thing. Random guy comes in, and I can't call child protective services.
Later on you visit the Deer's dad's mansion and it's supposed to be some Tear Jerker[tvtropes.org] scene, but ONCE AGAIN - you have no idea who she is.
Though in real life some strangers can tell you their entire life story, and it gives the exact same feeling, but then this is the most meta-ironic games ever made.

12+ years ago Borderlands 2 did what looks like no game can, tell the entire Borderlands 1 story during the first minute or two just so you don't need to play the original game (looking at you, The Legend of Heroes series)

And god forbid if you haven't played for a month. The lack of meaningful dialogue makes you forget what's going on in a supposedly "story-driven game"
WELL, ACTUALLY, this is the exact same thing with live-service games, but you forget their gameplay instead, sometimes even if it's not actually getting changed at all, let alone bi-weekly.

The graphics, music, artistic part of the game in general, and the MOVEMENT (not core gameplay) are wonderful. I spent wayyy more time just jumping on the roofs because of how fun it is and how gorgeous the animations are.

The graphics makes you interested in game
The gameplay makes you continue playing the game
The story makes you remember the game

Honestly this reminds me of Subverse a lot. People spent a lot of money making a huge ;) ambitious game, but for some reason instead focusing solely on graphics (unreal engine ugh) and story (cutscenes / VAs), they had the audacity to think of adding gameplay

Same goes here. Remove the farm/basebuilding/anything resource-related, the core gameplay in general. And just leave the story with fun movement. It'd be wayyy more fun than Celeste

Farewell, kid!

Extremely laggy on a low-end hardware. Highly doubtful that an average western clerk's lenovo laptop will be able to run it.

Very nice! Looks like something even a disabled person can play!

Great artstyle!

Tons of fun. With enough skill you can finish it before the lunch break ends.
Alas, all PopCap games are removed from Steam.

So I decided to play this with friends because "it's DD! that cool game CaptainSparklez was playing in 2011! and also free!". The thing is that I bought this in 2014-2015, whatever. Apparently I finished some story quests, got some random weapons (Terraria ones!!!), pets, "Early Supporter" skins, some premium currency, characters etc.

I feel completely lost, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

It turns out that the only way to completely reset your progress is to create a new Steam account LMAOOO

Also yes, this game uses WoW character system. You can create the same char over and over again with new names. Aboslutely awful system that shouldn't exist. Alas, Warframe seems to be one of the very few (only?) games that ditched this.

There is no way I had a single brain cell working when buying this in early access.

Steampunktress/Red Riding Huntress 4 lyf tho

Adam Jensen died for nothing

Finally reviewing it after nearly a decade.
The artstyle is awesome, but the gameplay is hella boring.
The metronome thingy barely works, and there's too little buttons to press during X amount of time. You just... watch.

Recommended because 2B mod exists (but the vanilla girls are awesome too)

Steam Porn Manager.

>PG13 - Parental guidance