TONY (V.0.)
My name is Tony Pepperoni. I am
twenty-six years old. I live in the American Garden
Buildings on West Eighty-First Street, on the eleventh
floor, Tom Cruise lives in the penthouse.

Tony walks into his bathroom, urinates while trying to
see his reflection in a poster for Les Miserables above his
toilet.

TONY (V.0.) I believe in taking care of myself, in a
balanced diet, in a rigorous exercise routine. In the
morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice
pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand
now.

Tony ties a plastic ice pack around his face.

Tony does his morning stretching exercises in the living
room wearing the ice pack.

CUT TO:

A mirror-lined bathroom. Tony is luxuriating in the
shower steam, scrubbing his body, admiring his muscles.

TONY
(V.O.)
After I remove the icepack, I use a deep
pore-cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a
water-activated gel cleanser, then a honey-almond body
scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub.

Tony stands in front of a massive marble sink applying a
gel facial masque.

TONY (V.O.)
Then I apply an herb mint facial masque which
I leave on for ten minutes while I prepare the rest of my
routine.

Tony opens the door of a mirrored cabinet, which is
stocked with immaculate rows of skin care products. He
begins selecting bottles jars and brushes, laying them in
readiness on the marble counter.

TONY (V.O.)
I always use an after-shave lotion with little
or no alcohol because alcohol dries your face out and makes
you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye
balm, followed by a final moisturizing "protective" lotion...