3 people found this review helpful
2 people found this review funny
2
Not Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 31.9 hrs on record (15.2 hrs at review time)
Posted: 4 Jul, 2021 @ 1:36am
Updated: 10 Jul, 2021 @ 8:39pm

Jesus Christ on a cracker. Just like actual blasphemies this wants to be edgy but ultimately is just hot air from someone who needs to watch their mouth. I got suckered in by the Bloodstained cameo and I kept playing because I hate myself.

Picture someone made that church part of Dracula's castle in Castlevania: Symphony of The Night into an entire game and you get this. I keep waiting for this game to be fun but its a brutal tedious slog programmed by Satan. Its old school all right but in all the ways you wish were left behind, dying a LOT until you "get gud" is NOT FUN, enemies hit hard with knockbacks and have way too much health. Almost every ghoulish boss feels like a final boss. I don't miss unfair challenges and this has plenty. You will only keep playing outta frustration to get it right the next time which I guess makes sense for the masochistic guilt and pain theme this game goes for.

Anyway, this just proves how batsh*t insane and creepy religion is and it makes for a very weird game. The protagonist is weak and pathetic. Penitent? More like Piece of sh*t. Getting hit sounds like being slapped with a wet mop. Landing on platforms is imprecise and you slide around like you're on ice, enjoy falling into spikes and traps. I feel like I need a save point every few feet. You can't attack when on a ladder either! Music is bland and way too relaxed. (wheres my scary pipe organs?) The plot is nonsensical Roman Catholic-esque gibberish and filled with pointless lore that would make the Pope embrace atheism. You wont find God but you can find a better game.
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1 Comments
The Rake™ 5 Jul, 2021 @ 2:23pm 
"Getting hit sounds like being slapped with a wet mop"
This is so true LMAO. I can't unhear it now :))