Devotion Time With Gabe

I was only 12 years old.
I loved CS:GO so much.
I had all the rare skins.
I pray to Gaben every night, hoping I would unbox a knife some day.
"Gaben is love," I said. "Gaben is life."

My dad overhears me and calls me a hacker.
I know he's just jealous that I got recruited into FaZe clan.
I call him a hardscoper.

My dad no scopes me and sends me to my room.
As I feel my numb face, I turn on my PC and log into Steam.
My hands are shivering as I click on the "PLAY" button to open up CS:GO

"I'll show that hardscoper," I said.
I open up the Steam Market Place, and purchase 20 Half Life 3 Cases and Keys.

10 minutes have passed by, and I've unboxed 19 Battle-Scarred Negev l Desert Strikes.
As I move my cursor over to the final case, I click and select "OPEN".
My cursor moves even slower as I move it towards the giant, green "USE KEY" button.

I click the button.
As I see all of these weapons fly by, the scroll finally starts slowing down.

"I can't look," I said to myself. "My dad will noscope me when he see's that I've spent six grand on super exclusive and rare Half Life 3 Cases and Keys.

I close my eyes and listen as I hear Gaben laughing over me, as if I am almost certain that I did not get a knife.

I open my eyes.

A large clump of feces leaves my arse very quick, as my eyes look at the item I have just been given by the Holy Gaben himself.

Another clump starts sliding out as I stand up to run to my dad to tell him that I've just unboxed a StatTrak Factory New Karambit Fade.

My dad cries as he suddenly gets his Steam account hacked by OpTic.
I pull out my new knife and quickscope his face.

I then walk into my room, take my pants off, and thrust my pelvic region into the air, imagining Gaben with me.

"Gaben is love, Gaben is life