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Hello. I hope you are doing well.

I'm a tax collector who needs a little favor. You have multiple ongoing tax evasion investigations on your persona.

Sometimes I have a hard time finding your money, so I would really appreciate it if you could show up to federal court.

I'll offer you a really good 3-5 years in prison, a win-win for both of us.

Please don't run from your wrongdoings if you are interested in not being in a jail cell. I'll be more than happy to put you into one.

Thank you for your cooperation.

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