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Emergencies are EXACTLY why I sleep naked.
Fire? Come at me. I'm not wearing anything flammable. No bulky material to hinder my escape
Burglary? Come at me. I'll helicopter my ♥♥♥♥ and balls and smack down any intruders.
Earthquake? Come at me. Never ever had an earthquake here. Mother Earth is too intimated by my nubile form. I whisper sweet nothings into the soil of my forefathers and the Earth slumbers. Also, I live away from tectonic forks or whatever because I'm not a moron.
Amber alert? Come at me. That ♥♥♥♥ never wakes me up. Phone isn't on me. No pockets. Phone too large. Butthole too small.
That's why you should sleep naked. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

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