"Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water."
— Dave Barry

And so, for a product of that society, the revelation that one is quirkless would be something similar to finding out that Santa isn't real because he was eaten by a giant spider created from the accidentally viewed sex between the sentient manifestation of your family's secret hatred for you and a dead puppy.

I demand a refund the popcorn was stale, the soda was flat, and the bear lacks it's Hitler stash. I feel jipped and hangover.

"Computer games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids we'd be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music."

Achievement Gained: BEHOLD MY FIELD OF ♥♥♥♥♥; AS YOU CAN SEE, IT IS BARREN

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
- Guuse

"That moment when you take a shower but you have diarrhea so you go to the toilet but you stub your toe and you ♥♥♥♥ out soggy spaghetti everywhere so you wipe the floor with your towel but u realize that u need to shower again but u used the towel to wipe the ♥♥♥♥ off the floor so u use toilet paper to wipe yourself off but mom walks in and u scare the ♥♥♥♥ out of her because she thought u were a toilet paper mummy so u now have to clean your moms ♥♥♥♥ off the floor but you don't have anything to clean the ♥♥♥♥ so u use your cat."

"If you look up, you can see rock bottom"

"If the multiverse theory is true,the there's a universe where it isn't."
"Multiverse theory doesn't cover paradoxical situations"
"Except in the universe were it does"

-One Tumblr post

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TZd95BCKMY
How it feels to chew 5 Gum

"This was friggin’ surreal. Getting served wine by Alexander the Great…in red plastic cups…in a western-style castle in Japan…to drink with Cú Chulainn and King Arthur. Somewhere, a historian was crying because of the mere existence of that sentence."

“First stage of curing the Nazi problem, admit you have a Nazi problem,”

Truly the Greatest
https://soundcloud.com/thelaxone/christian-circulation

You can't spell Advertisements without semen between the tits.