Recent reviews by '*°•.♡ 𝗟υɱιɳᏋყҽʂᖇҽαℓιȥҽ ✧.•°*'

This will be my first review ever on a game and I have been gaming since 1986—thanks Dad! (Yeah, he is on here too.) Sooo, the fact that I am writing this alone should speak volumes about Zombie Army Trilogy.

Now, what I am about to convey is nothing more than me proving a point; no boasting (cause ew!), just facts. I literally have tens of thousands of hours worth of actual play time for shooters—especially those involving zombies. At least 10,000 are on this Steam account alone. Thus stated, I really pushed myself and struggled to get through only 45 minutes worth of play time for this game. Almost quit 15 minutes in. Needless to say, I was extremely disappointed in this game! Enough about me though...

Better hold onto your socks and ready yourself for a brutally honest review!

*Drumroll*

1. Extremely deceptive advertising! The big draw for me to purchase this game was the Left 4 Dead element, followed by it being zombie horde survival. Was excited to see those beloved characters from the series in a seemingly new game. WRONG! It is nothing like either L4D game, as the first trailer on the Steam store page implies/depicts. Do not get me wrong; I did not expect this to be the third installment to the series, however, what I did expect was WAY more and better than what we got.
   
   The only resemblances are:
   
   
   • One choosing which L4D character they would like to utilize during gameplay.
     
   • Picking up/replacing weapons/ammo, killing zombies, and surviving.
     
   • There are safehouses to save points and to pick up new weapons/ammo within.
   
   That is it.
   
   Dun dun dunnnnn!
   
   Not being familiar with any of the Zombie Army games prior to this purchase, I was led to believe this one was completely different from reality. The way it was advertised is similar to one of those movie trailers where only the best scenes were depicted. The problem is that the trailers and screenshots for this game are all theatrically staged scenes having absolutely nothing to do with actual gameplay. (Deceptive way to draw in customers, devs, and complete failure to keep me as one! Will never purchase a game by Rebellion or any of it's subsidiaries again due to this alone.)
   
   
2. BOOOORING! It is way too easy on Sniper-Elite mode and within the first 10-15 minutes, I became bored of:
   
   
   • The repetition.
     
   • The lack of challenge.
     
   • The lack of element of surprise. (Did not even come close to getting a teeny tiny
     scare—BOOOOO!)
     
   • Absolutely no strategy is needed in order to advance; total lack of intellectual
     stimulation.
   
   Could complete Episode 1: The Berlin Horror in my sleep if it were not due to possibly entering a coma from sheer boredom! (Not willing to take my chances though.) Anyhow, I forced myself to continue playing for another 30-35 minutes, hoping the game would improve, but it failed to do so.
   
   
3. The majority of the zombies are slow as hell, weak , and their movements are extremely predictable. With exception to the suicide zombies, no others got anywhere close enough to hurt me, which brings me to issue 4!
   
   
4. There is no health meter—at least I did not notice one. Let's be real though! It's not like anyone actually needs to utilize one to survive the first episode in this game...
   
   
5. To kill zombies with guns, excluding skeletons and suicide zombies, one must perform a successful headshot. Normally this is not an issue whatsoever in other games, however, there is one with attaining actual headshots in this one! There were a multitude of times when I had the sights perfectly aligned with zombies heads and took the shot between their movements, but failed to kill. WTF!? This does NOT add any challenge whatsoever to the game, devs, just frustration—especially for someone who is highly skilled at successful headshots in most games.
   
   Out of curiosity, I ended up watching the gameplay of others (not something I ever do cause ZzzZzzz), to confirm if it was only me having this issue. Turns out it was the same in every video I watched. I also read the negative reviews to this game, where several individuals stated that they experienced the same issue, so heads up; you will experience it too!
   
   
6. There is zero character dialogue or cutscenes with them in it—just pure gameplay (at least within the 45 minutes I played). Felt like the character I chose was either mute or has a damaged parietal lobe. Did not even hear so much as a grunt.
   
   Fun fact: the parietal lobe is the region of the brain that is believed to be responsible for pain and sensation recognition. The more you know... *wink*
   
   
7. This game resembles a super boring CoD Zombies knockoff without any real objectives beyond reaching the star markers and safe rooms. The "open world" is heavily restricted and full of empty/inaccessible buildings and open spaces, which the player is confined within—much like CoD maps. The buildings that do have things in them barely have any objects to impede movement, just random pieces of furniture (mostly) neatly arranged and rubble/garbage everywhere for aesthetics. After seeing a few buildings like that, I never entered another until forced to reach a star marker. This was NOTHING like the open world maps within the Left 4 Dead series!
   
   
8. I have OCD, so it is imperative for me to have an even number of complaints/issues, haha! Just kidding; aesthetics... OR AM I!? *gasp* I was compelled to waste my time writing this review (for obvious reasons), which could have been better spent by playing an actual decent game. Sorry devs, but in my opinion; this game is garbage. Do not get me wrong though! I applaud you for trying...

Aim, shoot, kill, repeat, reload, repeat all, search zombies for ammo, repeat all, reach star marker, repeat all, reach safehouse, repeat everything, shoot self in head. Whoops! Got a little carried away there... Anyhow, that is all this game has to offer other than shooting random glowing tanks and such, to take out groups of horde—at least in my experience. (Got too bored to complete episode one.)


My advice; DO NOT waste money purchasing this game, but if you do, only do so during a major sale. It is definitely NOT even worth half price! Needless to say, I am requesting a refund as soon as I hit "post review"...