Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade.

Did you hear about the couple of bed bugs? They got married in the spring.

Taking my husband’s name wasn’t a feminist act. I just don’t want anyone I went to high school with to find me.

Any man getting married should forget his mistakes. There’s no reason two people should remember them in detail.

What’s the difference between “incomplete “ and “finished”? A man without a wife feels incomplete. Once he’s married, he’s finished.

Wife: I love you. Husband: Is that you or the wine talking? Wife? It’s me talking. To the wine.

What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind. Marriage is eye-opening.

Which one of your kids will never grow up and move out? Your husband.

How does a man satisfy his wife in bed? By sleeping on the sofa.

My husband told me to do whatever makes me happy. I’ll miss him.

My wife is mad I ruined our anniversary, which is odd. I don’t even know when it is.