Recent reviews by Blue Balenciagas

If you're tired of those pesky good night's sleeps and want to spend your nights contemplating the meaning of darkness, Amnesia: The Dark Descent is the game for you. Forget about sweet dreams; this game will make you question the very fabric of your sanity.

Pros:

Heart Attack Simulator: Move over horror movies; Amnesia turns fear into an art form. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a sanity-draining ancient relic. The jump scares are like surprise birthday parties, but instead of cake, there's existential dread.

Candle Budgeting: Who knew lighting candles could be so stressful? With a limited supply of tinderboxes, I found myself debating whether to illuminate the ominous hallway or save that precious light for a potentially darker room. Decisions, decisions.

Memento Moments: The game's story unfolds like a mystery wrapped in a psychological enigma, and your character has conveniently misplaced their memory. It's like playing hide-and-seek with your own sanity, and the hiding spots are as elusive as the plot twists.

Cons:

Nap Time is Overrated: The game has a knack for making you forget what a good night's sleep feels like. Constantly haunted by nightmares of shadowy figures and unearthly sounds, I'm pretty sure my character sleeps worse than a college student during finals week.

Insanity is a Real Issue: Who needs sanity anyway? The sanity mechanic is both brilliant and horrifying. The more frightened you become, the more your character loses their grip on reality. It's like a real-life simulation of trying to maintain composure during a horror movie marathon.

Hide and Shriek: The hiding mechanic is simultaneously your best friend and worst enemy. Sure, it's great for avoiding unspeakable horrors, but it's also a reminder that you're one clumsy step away from accidentally revealing your hiding spot and becoming monster chow.

In summary, Amnesia: The Dark Descent is not for the faint of heart or those who enjoy a good night's sleep. It's an immersive horror experience that will make you question your decision to play games in the dark. 9/10, because I deducted one point for the persistent nightmares and newfound fear of candle shortages. Sweet dreams, or should I say, sleepless nights!

Ah, Bully Scholarship Edition, the game that finally let me fulfill my lifelong dream of reliving the trauma of high school without actually having to attend one! I must say, being the virtual punching bag of Bullworth Academy was an experience I never knew I needed.

Pros:

Top-notch Wedgies : Forget about traditional greetings; nothing says "hello" like a well-executed atomic wedgie from the school bully. The level of detail in the wedgie animations is truly impressive; I could almost feel the pixels digging into my virtual underwear.

Epic Pranks : I've always wanted to be the mastermind behind elaborate pranks, and Bully delivered. From stink bombs to whoopee cushions, I felt like the Houdini of high school hijinks. Sorry, not sorry, Mr. Burton, for the itching powder incident during Chemistry class.

Crazy Characters : The characters in Bullworth are like a dysfunctional family you never knew you wanted. Whether it's the eccentric teachers, the jocks with anger issues, or the rebellious nerds, each one adds a special flavor to the chaotic cocktail that is Bullworth Academy.

Cons:

Chores, Seriously? : As if dealing with bullies and navigating the social minefield of high school wasn't enough, the game throws in chores. I'm here to escape reality, not sweep virtual floors. I already have parents for that!

Gym Class Trauma : I never thought I'd say this, but gym class in Bullworth is more intense than an actual workout. Climbing ropes, dodging dodgeballs, and wrestling with other students – I left the game feeling like I'd run a marathon, and not in a good way.

In conclusion, Bully Scholarship Edition is the therapeutic high school experience we all secretly crave. It's the game that allowed me to unleash my inner mischief-maker and relive the glory days of adolescent awkwardness. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go practice my wedgie-dodging skills for real life. 10/10, would endure virtual humiliation again!

My gambling addict friend said if I post a review on wallpaper engine and it gets 150 likes and 50 Awards that he will buy me a case of beer and some vodka So im just gonna leave this here.

I'm a 73-year-old retired history teacher, and never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be playing a game like Ark: Survival Evolved, let alone writing a review for it. But life has a funny way of surprising you, and here's my extraordinary tale.

It all started when my granddaughter convinced me to try this "dinosaur survival game." I've always had a soft spot for the prehistoric era, but gaming was a whole new world for me. Still, I couldn't resist her enthusiastic plea, so I installed Ark and dove headfirst into the unknown.

My first moments in the game were bewildering. I found myself stranded on an island, surrounded by colossal creatures that belonged in a museum rather than my computer screen. But then I discovered my true calling: Dinosaur Taming.

Somehow, I had a natural talent for befriending these ancient beasts. From the smallest dodo to the mightiest T-Rex, they all seemed to resonate with my calm, patient demeanor. As my menagerie of majestic creatures grew, so did my in-game reputation. I became known as "The Dino Whisperer."

My family was amazed. I went from being a quiet, retired academic to an Ark: Survival Evolved sensation overnight. Players from around the globe reached out to me, seeking advice on taming techniques and dinosaur care. It wasn't long before I decided to start my own Dino Taming Academy, sharing my wisdom with fellow enthusiasts.

Now, my days are filled with virtual field trips through lush jungles and treacherous mountains, teaching others the beauty of interspecies harmony. This game has not only rejuvenated my passion for prehistory, but it has also brought me closer to my granddaughter, as we explore the world of Ark together.

So, to the creators of Ark: Survival Evolved, I say thank you. You've given me more than just a game; you've given me a renewed sense of purpose and an unforgettable bonding experience with my granddaughter. 10/10 would tame again.

As a 63-year-old retired meteorologist, I never thought I'd become a soccer sensation in FIFA 23, let alone pen a review about it. Yet here I am, sharing my hilarious journey into the world of virtual sports.

The story begins when my sports-fanatic son challenged me to a match in FIFA 23. I didn't know a thing about soccer, but I figured my expertise in weather patterns might give me an edge in predicting player movements. So, I accepted the challenge and entered the world of high-stakes virtual football.

As it turns out, weather knowledge was of little use in FIFA 23. But, to my surprise, I discovered a hidden talent for devising unorthodox plays that baffled my opponents. My strategies were so unconventional that my son coined a term for my unique style: "Meteorball."

Soon, word of my bizarre tactics spread like wildfire, and FIFA 23 players flocked to learn the secrets of Meteorball. With a hearty laugh, I embraced this unexpected twist of fate and founded the "Meteorball Academy," where I teach soccer enthusiasts to think outside the box and bring a storm of creativity to the pitch.

Now, my days are filled with laughter and excitement as I coach players to unleash their inner Meteorball maestro. We've got forwards using serpentine patterns inspired by wind currents, goalkeepers making saves based on lightning-fast reflexes, and even midfielders controlling the flow of the game like a shifting weather front.

So, to the creators of FIFA 23, I say thank you. You've given me more than just a game; you've given me a chance to inject humor and innovation into a virtual sport, forge connections with fellow gamers, and prove that you don't need to be a soccer expert to shake up the beautiful game. 10/10 would Meteorball again.

As a 62-year-old retired pastry chef, the last thing I ever expected was to become an authority on surviving the virtual zombie apocalypse in Project Zomboid. But life is full of surprises, and this hilarious tale is too good not to share.

My adventure started when my thrill-seeking grandson introduced me to this "zombie survival game." I wasn't a fan of horror, but he insisted that baking skills could be put to good use in the game. Intrigued, I installed Project Zomboid and took my first shaky steps into the terrifying world of undead mayhem.

It didn't take long for me to realize that the zombie apocalypse was no cake walk. The constant dread of being devoured by the undead was overwhelming. However, I soon discovered that my culinary expertise was surprisingly useful in this nightmarish world. Instead of relying on guns and brute force, I devised unconventional survival techniques using my baking prowess.

From crafting zombie-distracting pastries to improvising molotov cocktails with cooking oil, my resourcefulness earned me a reputation as an unorthodox zombie survival genius. In the most bizarre turn of events, players began flocking to me for advice on how to combine their hobbies with survival strategies in the game.

Inspired by this unexpected demand, I opened the "Project Zomboid School of Creative Survival," where I teach players how to stay alive using their unique talents. We've got ballerinas tripping zombies, origami masters crafting makeshift weapons, and even ventriloquists using their skills to lure the undead away from their hideouts.

Now, my days are filled with laughter and camaraderie as I help fellow gamers find humor and creativity in the face of a virtual zombie apocalypse. This game has taught me that sometimes, even the most unlikely skills can save the day.

So, to the creators of Project Zomboid, I say thank you. You've given me more than just a game; you've given me the chance to redefine survival, build connections with fellow gamers, and prove that you can't keep a good pastry chef down, even in the midst of a zombie infestation. 10/10 would bake again.

imagine review bombing this game because a BETA has bugs

garbage servers, good game

zombie

I'm a 67-year-old retired librarian, and I'd never imagined playing a game like Crab Game, let alone writing a review for it. But alas, here I am, and let me share my bizarre journey with you.

It all began when my grandson introduced me to this strange new world of "online gaming." I'm not one for technology, but I couldn't say no to his excited little face. So, I reluctantly installed Crab Game and joined the masses.

I'd never been more confused in my life. There were people running around in colorful, blocky outfits, jumping on platforms and dodging projectiles. For a moment, I thought I was in a bizarre dream. But then I stumbled upon the strangest thing: The crabs. They were everywhere, taunting me with their sideways shuffles and menacing claws.

It soon became apparent that I had a gift. I was able to anticipate their every move, effortlessly sidestepping them and conquering each minigame. As my victories piled up, my in-game fame grew, and I became known as "The Crab Whisperer."

My family couldn't believe it. I went from being a quiet, retired bookworm to a Crab Game legend overnight. People would send me friend requests and messages, all wanting to learn my secrets. I decided to embrace my newfound calling and started a Crab Game Academy for aspiring players.

Now, I spend my days teaching the art of crab dodging, platform jumping, and minigame mastery. My life has completely transformed, and I couldn't be happier. Who knew that a game with such a silly name would bring so much joy and purpose to my golden years?

So, to the creators of Crab Game, I say thank you. You've given me more than just a game; you've given me a new lease on life. And for that, I am eternally grateful. 10/10 would crab again.